tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post1418863311231149199..comments2023-10-17T11:02:33.352-04:00Comments on The child: Second class citizenUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-39830892702467570322011-03-28T21:06:47.977-04:002011-03-28T21:06:47.977-04:00Bravo!!! My heart aches for Johnny. You capture t...Bravo!!! My heart aches for Johnny. You capture the scene so vividly with your words and the unstated as well. Keep writing my friend. You have an exceptional talent. Once again, BRAVO!!septembermomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01570525910483384484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-49797451807821088582011-03-28T09:40:21.252-04:002011-03-28T09:40:21.252-04:00Oh, honey -- I've said it before, and I'm ...Oh, honey -- I've said it before, and I'm saying it again: your writing cuts to the bone. It's raw and full of emotions. Beautifully descriptive and heart-breakingly sad. Your words paint a scene, leaving me feeling like a fly on the wall in that kitchen, hurting for Johnny, wanting to hug him and give him all of the Double Pink Dips he can eat.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-70462146907938629742011-03-27T21:06:57.997-04:002011-03-27T21:06:57.997-04:00Oh, this is such wonderful writing! For some reaso...Oh, this is such wonderful writing! For some reason I am picturing Harry Potter and his cousin Dudley!! <br /><br />What a rotten woman. So mean spirited. <br /><br />You set the seen perfectly.<br /><br />Can't wait to read more!Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18014210424987382382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-74695682061529770942011-03-27T10:44:00.483-04:002011-03-27T10:44:00.483-04:00Bravo to you for using dialogue! I find it such a ...Bravo to you for using dialogue! I find it such a wonderful way to keep the pacing crisp and to show character at the same time. <br /><br />Your use of flashback is also compelling...the bone against cheek line really drew me in...sadly for the boy. <br /><br />I would read this novel for sure...Nancy Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04313721217543578257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-79382545537402672932011-03-26T09:52:19.570-04:002011-03-26T09:52:19.570-04:00A lovely story, and well told.
PearlA lovely story, and well told.<br /><br />PearlPearlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05261369905176088917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-44479059406339349812011-03-26T00:19:52.408-04:002011-03-26T00:19:52.408-04:00Foster kids are so in need of love, and the little...Foster kids are so in need of love, and the little girl gets that; the mother does not. It made me sad. <br /><br />There were a few areas where it seemed like you did a u-turn in the middle of the sentence, but you said that you had pulled part of it from another place, so that may explain it.TMWHickmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11099277984216556857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-49715647740391916802011-03-25T20:30:47.345-04:002011-03-25T20:30:47.345-04:00I know this happens in real life. It makes you won...I know this happens in real life. It makes you wonder why people take in foster children if they're not going to be nice to them?Joey Lynn Rescinitihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06219074986338894660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-4979143184918181152011-03-25T18:36:20.790-04:002011-03-25T18:36:20.790-04:00I've had many patients who were in horrifying,...I've had many patients who were in horrifying, abusive foster situations. It's a broken system.secret agent womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03763879283931347382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-57338481754839282832011-03-25T16:56:41.389-04:002011-03-25T16:56:41.389-04:00You're so good Kim...I think I went through ev...You're so good Kim...I think I went through every emotinon...<br />Excitement-because we just talked a bit about your love of Tim Hortons<br />Desire-because the donut sounds so yummy<br />Anticipation-because I felt things were turning sad but not so sure<br />Digust and Pity-for the ignorant foster Mom<br />Love-for the little Claire who wanted to help Johnny<br />Sadness-for little Johnny who must feel confused, hurt, and rejected.<br />Well done, you are a great writer. ;)Gerrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15355005063119095095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-75953720049607202302011-03-25T16:10:22.888-04:002011-03-25T16:10:22.888-04:00This fiction is reality for too many kids. You did...This fiction is reality for too many kids. You did a wonderful job, showing Johnnys need to please so he can stay, even when it's not a kind place. That is heartbreaking.<br />I liked that you made Claire innocent...still untarnished by her mom. <br />Lovely story! <br />I did the same prompt...different twist! :)Kristihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15041231709325033989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-25880315874356283502011-03-25T15:32:24.809-04:002011-03-25T15:32:24.809-04:00This first part of this is so, so strong. Every si...This first part of this is so, so strong. Every single word a brick of foundation for the story. I loved that our first glimpse into Janice's cruelty was indirect.<br /><br />'"No honey, we don't want John to get cavities. You know that. He didn't go to the dentist like you always have." Her voice light and airy for Claire's sake. John flinched remembering the quick hard slap he'd received the week before when she caught him eating a piece of Claire's Double Pink Dip.' <br /><br />This so nicely highlights the subtext of Johnny's reality versus what Claire sees.<br /><br />I was confused by this transition, <br />"You'll brush your teeth won't you Johnny?" Claire wasnt letting up."<br />Upon the reread I realize that it was a continuation of the original conversation, but felt because so much had happened in between that it broke the flow for me. Note: typo; wasnt should be wasn't.<br /><br />I also found, 'Janice walked to the fridge, ignoring the girl.' confusing because she was just talking to her. I think that you can just just drop , 'ignoring the girl' so the sentence would read, ' Janice walked to the fridge, grabbed a package of chicken..."<br /><br />Overall, I thought this was a great piece.Jenniferhttp://whispatory.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-84453798834166639502011-03-25T14:41:26.414-04:002011-03-25T14:41:26.414-04:00Oh how heartbreaking. Poor kid.Oh how heartbreaking. Poor kid.Lisa @ Two Bears Farmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03464839163693785901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-52782809136788803632011-03-25T14:05:29.578-04:002011-03-25T14:05:29.578-04:00Excellent story. I loved how you showed the differ...Excellent story. I loved how you showed the difference between the view of the child not understanding why she can't share and the view of the mother. <br /><br />I got lost a little bit simply because I didn't know what a "double dip" was, but after re-reading I figured it out. It's heartbreaking to know that this might be fiction but for a lot of kids it's their reality.Dafeenahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03078199274088729529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8287005166012220959.post-60232341729184254492011-03-25T13:25:34.911-04:002011-03-25T13:25:34.911-04:00Oh kim, this is heart wrenching... so so heart wre...Oh kim, this is heart wrenching... so so heart wrenching. I am in tears reading this. that poor innocent child, how much of his innocence would be lost every single moment. poor John.Rathihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10575572965786947205noreply@blogger.com