Friday 29 May 2009

Doubt


In the movie Doubt Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a priest who gives a sermon on gossip. I can't stop thinking about this sermon. It went something like this:

A parishioner goes to confession and tells the priest that he really didn't have much to confess, only that he had been gossiping. The priest does not take this lightly and says gossiping is just as harmful as any of the 'serious' sins. What harm can gossiping do the parishioner asks. The priest tells him to go home, get a feather pillow and stand on the roof of a building and slice the pillow open with a knife. The man does this and returns to tell the priest that he has followed his instructions but does not understand. The priest tells the man to go and pick up each feather and put it back into the pillow. That would be impossible says the parishioner. The feathers have flown everywhere. You are right says the priest. This is exactly what happens when you gossip.

Recently I was the subject of some gossip. Nothing earth-shattering or even deal-breaking. But it made me think about how unfair we can be with each other. All it takes is a suggestive hint or a persuasive anectdote to change someone's mind about someone or something. Gossip magazines know this all too well and are able to cash in big time off of our hunger for just a whiff of a story, the slightest intimation of wrong doing on someone else's part.

I'm definitely not an innocent bystander in this discomforting pastime. I've sometimes found myself embellishing details or leaving out important ones to depict myself victim or victorious. I've hinted at impropriety where there was none to make a story interesting or funny. I know that it's not nice. I knew it when I was doing it. But like I said, recently I was the subject of gossip. And when I learned of it I felt hurt and disappointed. I even cried.

Imagine if the gossip was earth-shattering and deal-breaking.

20 comments:

  1. Hey, I gave you an award today. :)

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  2. Very hurtful, it is! Great topic! Wonderful wisdom in your words! I really appreciate this post! Hurrah, for you~taking on such a barb in interpersonal relationships!~Janine XO

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  3. This will be a healing post for you my lovely.......get it out!!
    Gossip can be so hurtful can't it? Just go on and never let anyone know they hurt you.......take the high road my lovely though I know it's very hard at times.....consider the source you know? Smile and tell them you care for them. Kill them with kindness.
    You're a lovely person my dear with an amazing heart :)

    Steady On
    Reggie Girl

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  4. Wow-what a great analogy with the feather pillow. I had never looked at it that way. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope peace comes to your very quickly.

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  5. I am guilty of gossiping and I do love my US weekly too but truthfully it can be very hurtful. I did not see that movie and I never thought of gossip that way but you've really given me something to think about.

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  6. I'm stopping in from the V Spot...this is a great post. Really. I know exactly what you mean about actually embellishing parts and leaving parts out...I've done the same thing. I guess we just get caught up...it's not the WORST thing, but I know it's not good. At all. And being the focus of the gossip just plain bites.
    Hope you can just soldier on...if not, you could spread some gossip about whoever gossiped about you! JUST KIDDING!! Really, I'm teasing. But ya know, I think a lot of people react like that.
    Macey

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  7. Oh wow, what a great analogy for gossip. I've learned something new, and I'm so sorry that it happened to you. I've been on both ends, and it's bad either way. Thanks for sharing this, and hope you feel better soon.

    :)
    ~Tabitha~

    freshmommyblog.com

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  8. great post! very insightful and true! it's a great reminder! i love the analogy with the feather pillow...

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  9. I hear you.

    Oh, why do we call balls "spheres"? It was just sounding weird every time we would say, "There goes T Rex carrying his balls." So, we changed it to "spheres". Not too weird, is it?

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  10. Great post, Kim. Your words probably help so many others who feel the sting of gossip. The analogy with the feather makes so much sense. It's important that we remember that gossip can really hurt people's feelings. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. You're such a wonderful, kind person. All my hugs go to you :)

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  11. once again you have managed a thought provoking blog. the picture is priceless. I like the feather analogy.

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  12. Kim, one cannot gossip without judging. They're adjoined twins. I have now made enough huge hurtful mistakes that I hope I'm done judging and therefore gossiping. Sorry fir your pain. ~rick

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  13. I just love how we grow wise as we have children and get older. I'm pretty sure I used to gossip too (now it is kept between Bill & I. He says, what's all the crumb?" lol)
    At any rate, great entry! I hope I remember the next time I feel tempted to do it...
    Have a nice Sunday!

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  14. I think since becoming a mother I've been a lot more careful about gossip, and about my actions in general. I see someone hurt, and I think to myself, I hope that is never my daughter hurting like that. I know I can't shield her from everything, and that wouldn't be normal...but I know that having her in my life is helping me to become a better person every day!

    I hope you're able to let that gossip roll off your back sooner than later!

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  15. Gossip can be so harmful, and we all participate on some level. This reminder may curb our tendencies, one can only hope. I despise those TV shows and magazines that specialize in mud raking. So tiresome, this celebrity worship, build them up, then tear them down. People can be so petty.

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  16. What a wonderful and insightful post.
    L

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  17. I've been wanting to see that movie. Sounds like a wonderful metaphor for the scattered damage that can be done by gossip. We're all guilty of it to some extent. But I know it's something we should strive to avoid. It can be so hurtful to those involved.

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  18. In the Bible gossip is listed right along with what we call the "serious" sins. Numerous verses talk about how gossip starts fires and destroys relationships. Small people use gossip to diminish another and gain advantage for themselves. It is very destructive and very wrong. Good post. wb

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  19. Good reminder. I haven't seen that movie yet, but the pillow analogy is brilliant.

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