you turned 17 months yesterday and immediately I felt the need to apologize to you.
You see while you are learning to do all sorts of really neat things like unbuckling your seatbelt in the bike trailer (thank goodness there is a safety belt too), climbing down the stairs (backwards with some help), really enunciating the word 'daddy' (although still no mummy), pretending to blow your nose with a kleenex and really embracing anger, I seem to be digressing.
Picking your nose and inspecting your poop have not only brought me a peculiar satisfaction but have become a daily need I never anticipated. I've also started to feel obsessed about making sure you're wearing a hat and sunscreen and often found my fingers twitching to wipe away your snot and drool.
I know that if you were 12 or 13 you would be mortified and most likely refuse to be seen in public with me but I have to tell you that it seems to be out of my control. I really didn't list this on my five year plan and couldn't have imagined myself picking things off of your highchair after you were done and popping them into my mouth without hesitation. Iused to be appalled by such behaviour myself, and wouldn't dream of going two days straight without a shower.
So today, the day after you've turned 17 months and have made me and your dad so proud by the progress you continue to make in your development, I wanted to document this apology. I hope you will show me some mercy when you realize that I have become a big mushy ball of mother and that it wasn't intentional. I hope someday when I am fixing your hair with my saliva, you look at me and shake your head and dismiss it as just me being me. I also hope that when you bring your first girlfriend home for dinner you roll your eyes lightheartedly when I whip out your baby pictures and proceed to remember every goo and ga you ever uttered.
I hope my sweet baby boy that someday you forgive me for becoming this bragging-about-you-unapologetically, covetous, worry-wart, gushing, adoring, too-much-affection-giving, making-you-the-centre-of-my-universe type of woman that I have morphed into since the day I laid eyes on you. I honestly don't know how it happened. But I do hope you take pity on me and cut me some slack and always know that at times I swapped my dignity for your your well being and I never once regretted it!
love M-u-m-m-y (sounds just like it's spelled)