Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Some cold hard truths

I have a lot of belly fat. It’s where I always gain my weight. I’d never had a flat stomach in my life, even when I was a little girl. But after gaining 60 pounds with Deaglan it’s not a very pretty sight. I’ve always been curvy, never worn a bikini proudly, always have a hard time finding a top and bottom set that would even fit my proportions. I’m an apple not a pear.

A few years ago a confused woman at work consistently had me mixed up with another brown girl. Only this other brown girl was a pear not an apple. So when the confused woman would see me at the gym, working out (we have a convenient workout centre right in the building where I work outfitted with the latest equipment and classes and costs ten bucks a month to use) she would grab me by the shoulder and say: You look so great – you’ve lost so much weight! I didn’t embarrass her but I knew that she meant my butt looked smaller. The brown girl she had me mixed up with has a large bottom, I have a bigger mid section but almost never gain weight in my rear. So this unfortunate visually challenged woman thought that my workouts were paying off because my butt looked smaller. This went on for some time and I won’t even go into the “all brown people look alike” discussion but I’m sure you were thinking the same.

A few years ago I used to really focus on my abdominals and let them stand in the way of how I saw myself. I’ve always hated my figure. Especially here in North America, it’s harder to feel physically acceptable when the idea of beautiful has been tall and thin for so long. Technically I’m the opposite of that. Short (just over 5’2” – for a while I was telling everybody that I was 5’3” but it’s just not true so I stopped) and on the verge of chubby (132lbs – boy the honesty is pouring out of me now!). I think I might have been a big hit during Marilyn Munroe’s day save the skin colour.

But something surprising came along with Motherhood. Acceptance. I still want to be a healthy weight and look good in clothes but I could care less if I have flat abs or can fit into a size four. The thought of working to fit into a bikini sounds exhausting. I have no problem wearing a ponytail for 12 days straight and unless I’m at work prefer flat shoes or runners to heels any day of the week.

I have to say motherhood aside, a part of this definitely has to do with feeling happy about my life and a part of this has to do with the fact I lucked out in the husband department. He almost always finds me attractive (even on those days I wish he wouldn’t – you exhausted moms know what I’m talking about here!).

Last summer, wearing any sort of a water-activity garment was out of the question but I really have to consider my options this year since we have one of those wading pools which will be so much fun for Deaglan if not for his mom.

I saw this bathing suit at a local department store and have seriously considered trying it on.


  1. i also have an apple shaped body and i hate it! my abdomen is the fattest part of me. i wish i had the pear shape. i feel like curvy hips and bigger butt are better than a fat abd any day!!! anyway...i know how you feel...and btw i think you look great! you are beautiful!

  2. Go, do, try! You'll find something you like, or at the very least, don't totally dread when you put it on.

    Apple? Pear? There are days when I feel like I'm the whole damn produce section.

    Healthy, feeling comfy in one's own skin.... it's hard to get to that place. I'm not there yet, but I am trying.

  3. Cute!! Definitely try it on.
    And I'm short and curvey too, although I have more of the "hour glass" shape, I guess. I have an average size waist, but big ol hips and boobs! Ha! And I've been told I have a black girl booty... whatever that means. :)
    My midsection is my LEAST favorite part of me, too. It's never been flat. No matter how hard I try. Maybe you've got the right idea. Why do we kill ourselves to try to look like someone else's idea of what's beautiful??

  4. I think there are many of us with body image issues. We need just embrace the bodies we've been given.

    I know I can't help but compare myself to what I see in magazines and the like.

    However, I would not trade my son and the post-baby body he gave me for the perfect body - ever!

    Try that suit on and strut your stuff at the pool!

  5. What a cute suit! Try it! sigh. We women live in a culture where body is too emphasized. I struggle with it, but I'm making progress. I definitely grew up with a mother and a grandmother who were/are extremely weight critical... only of women (!?)... no wonder I had an eating disorder in college...

    we need to love ourselves for the inside and outside!

  6. what motherhood do to a woman's body. my sister is super skinny but her tummy is not the same again.

  7. I had a baby belly pouch even before I had my kids. I've pretty much given up trying to flatten those abs anymore. Nothing seems to work. Like you, I'm trying to accept what I see in the mirror. That's a cute bathing suit! Kim, you're a beauty!

  8. Bad news pear here. I was a tiny little pear until 4 years ago. Now I am bi pearlar, big thighs AND huge tummy! I have never had a tummy in my life, always flat before now. I have actually avoided swimwear for 3 summers now, and it's silly.
    I love the swimmers you have chosen, they are gorgeous, think I might look for some too!
    Well done clever girl.
    Oh and Kim, we have seen your photo! You are a VERY pretty lady, no wonder Shaune follows you around with a gleam in his eye! xx♥

  9. 'the other brown girl' made me laugh and feel horrified, all at the same time.

    Bathingsuit season blows. If it makes you feel any better, your current weight is ten pounds lighter than my *goal* weight, so put on that two peice baby and rock it out!

  10. I'm glad I found your blog!

  11. What a cute suit! Go for it.

  12. I made it to that 'happy with myself' stage at 50 - seems that there is not realy a beauty reason to worry about my fat when everything is slowly sinking... my reverse pear is turning into a standard pear as my boobs and butt slip downward.... the swimm suit looks promising - try it, you need to enjoy the swimming activity with you son. hugs and kisses to that sweet baby.

  13. I'd say go for it if you love it. Also check out the bathing suits on Lands End. That's where I get mine - I get separate tankinis - they totally are flattering to us moms. :)

  14. are you my twin?!? because i struggle with my midsection everyday of my life and you hit the nail on the head! motherhood has brought me to a place of some sort of acceptance, but i still struggle. i wish i could just git rid of that blubber in my waist!

    go for the swimsuit!!! it's very cute! i am a HUGE fan of the miraclesuits. you should check them out. they are pricey but SO worth it! i decided last year that i wasn't going to let my insecurities keep me from enjoying the fun times with my son and family. that's too selfish. and hey...a fun coverup works just fine too!

  15. It's a really cute suit...go for it!

  16. Go for it! You look fabulous. I wear my suit and lets just say, I could lose 10, 20, actually 100 lbs! Trully 100! It is the way you feel that counts.


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