Dear Deaglan,It's not that this is the last love letter I will ever write to you, it's just that very soon after this, you will no longer be our only child. And although it thrills me that you will have a little brother soon, it also makes me a bit despondent that you will have to share our attention.
A few weeks ago the thought of this made me sob silently in the middle of the night while your Dad lay snoring, sound asleep beside me. It was a few moments in the still of the night, when all my best efforts to rationalize failed me. My heart refused to be comforted in the knowledge that my love for you would never change, or that it would only increase in capacity for love for you and your brother.
No. I was sad at the thought of the impending changes for you.
You've been the beginning of my day, the end of my day and all of the time in between since you were born. I've memorized all of your freckles - sometimes panicking that it would one day be necessary to let someone know where each is located.
You've uttered the sweetest words my ears have ever heard and yet with just as casual effort you were able to almost break my heart. I've never been so vulnerable as I am with you.
In a few days you will be 28 months old. Your Dad and I are constantly amazed at how fast you are developing. And although secretly we believe you must be some sort of a genius or at least very advanced for your age, we try to keep this to ourselves. We don't want people thinking we're obnoxious. Honestly though, the way you recite your ABC's or climb up the ladder of your swingset - that can't be normal for a two-year old, can it???
But seriously my sweet first baby, I hope that you will always feel loved, as loved as the love we feel for you.
I hope that with the arrival of your baby brother, we become even better parents for you.
Love Mommy
Oh Kim, this is very beautiful. I can just imagine you crying those silent tears on that night. I remember resting with my oldest son on the night that I went into labor. It was a sweet time cuddling together. Hope you had a wonderful birthday!! So sorry that I missed you :) At the bus stop, of course!
ReplyDeleteI am always amazed at how you can so earnestly put your emotions into words. I really struggle with that. Deaglan is so fortunate to have you as his mother - I can just feel the love you have for him.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, your package went out last week so keep an eye out for it!
I've been awol from the blogosphere, so this is the first I'm hearing of your wonderful news. Congratulations! I was very, very worried when my 2nd son was born that my relationship with my older son would be damaged, but my love for him only doubled. My boys are 2 years and 4 mos. apart, and they are (11 and 14 now) best friends and worst enemies. I don't know what in the world they would do without each other. good luck!!
ReplyDeleteYou're a beautiful writer! ;)
This is the sweetest post... so full of love and emotion.
ReplyDeleteawww kim! i know just how you feel! i too am kind of sad that maddie will not be the baby anymore! she is only 18 months. she has no clue what is going to happen in a few weeks! loved the letter! you couldnt have said it any better.
ReplyDeleteJust precious. You two are phenomenal parents. I don't have the pleasure of physically being in your presence and can feel the deep love you have for him. He is in your presence and I know that he feels that deep love himself. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you will show that to him someday. But prepare yourself - it will also be hard for you - not the part about being able to love two children dearly, but the demands on your time and attention can be exhausting, especially at first.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. He is so handsome, and it's good to hear that he's brainy too!
ReplyDeleteThe oldest child is often the most successful. Go Deaglan!