Monday, 7 March 2011

No sugar here

This morning after showering, Shaune walked downstairs, shirt and tie on, coffee in hand and a look that told me he'd been waiting for just the right moment and said Hey, I don't mind drinking coffee without cream and sugar - it's kind of how I like my women - dark and bitter.

Before you think too much about this, you should know that we've both been trying to eat healthier. And also we have a non-sleeping nine-month old and a three-year old who has enough energy to run the Boston Marathon before 8am. And Shaune leaves for school every morning by eight and doesn't get home till almost ten at night from work.

Most days we're both on edge.

I laughed inspite of myself at his wise crack. I'll bet you're pretty pleased with yourself  I said shaking my head.

The thing is, it's been a tough year around here. Oh I know I need to get some perspective, look at how blessed we are and all that. But let me rant for a minute. It's been challenging. It took us to new strained places in our relationship. I'd like to tell you that we tested our marriage and were delighted to see that we had what it took to sail through this unscathed but it just wouldn't be true.

Somedays it got ugly. There was lots of bickering about the division of labour. Who was doing more around here, who was sacrificing this or that for our family - you know, that super mature stuff.

There were very tired days which made it almost impossible for us to sympathize with each other. Times where I knew I should have just let him off the hook at bath time and done it all myself because he had ten projects due. And times I'm sure he regretted rolling his eyes when I told him I hadn't slept a wink all night. And there were many hours spent silently because what we had to say to each other would have only made things worse. 

It hasn't been easy to be our best selves.

But there's an end in sight. This is the last week of classes and after that one month of practice teaching. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm proud of us. So very proud of him. I can see the implications for our children. Shaune's done a good thing here. Showed them by example that you can change your life for the better. That you can go back to school at any age.

And me, dark and bitter? Yeah, some days:)


  1. boy, can I relate! Being married with children is like a have to stretch out those muscles, pace yourself, refuel, rehydrate, keep your eyes on the finish line. you catch my drift. All the sacrifices you two are making now will pay off in the long term.

  2. Glad to hear that y'all have worked through the trials and appreciate each other even more for them. His comment cracks me up -- He probably spent a lot of time waiting to squeeze that into conversation! And that picture is absolutely precious :)

  3. I always appreciate your honesty so much.

    I cannot believe Naveen is still not sleeping. When does he sleep if ever?

    T Rex is pretty much non-stop too but we've started to find more and more activities that he is enjoying so that helps.

    Hang in there. And it is totally fine to sometimes be dark and bitter - it is unhealthy to not have these moments.

  4. It is much harder to adjust to having two young ids, than one I found. And there's virtually no way for it not to cause tension in the marriage.

  5. Oh Kim, yes, I can relate. Devin and I have had these moments throughout our marriage. The truth is, it all can be such a blessing and a challenge. Hold on to each other my friend. Remember what drew you to each other and cling to that...:) much love

  6. Yep! Same down South with the 3 and 5 year old. You can really see how without a commitment, it would be a time when many couples would s-p-l-i-t, but we won't either. ;)

  7. being married is a marathon. even old with no children there are issues to fight about. our latest. Camillo (85 in June) is showing signs of curculation issues in his feet - now the argument.... he wont let me message them with creams.... seems like that isn't a reason to fight - but we've made it one. guess we just all need an argument to releive pressure. last night we walked home from the restaurant holding hands.... argument forgotten.
    I am with you but maybe for another reason. He needs to give the bath.... if he is gone from morning to night this might be his only time to hold / tough / towel / kiss those babies and they all need this contact to keep all the other stuff that gets in the way in perspective.

  8. my comments disappeared????

  9. oh yes.... the division of labor. that is always a source of arguments around this house. i think every couple goes through that. i know your pain and your happiness. marriage is wonderful isn't it..... : )

  10. Oh, the dreaded division of labor argument! That's always been our numero uno. By far!


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