Sunday 5 June 2011

It's not easy being three

Sometimes in the midst of a tantrum, or when I’m doing the equivalent of mouth-to-mouth on our goldfish because Deaglan climbed into the top drawer of his dresser and dumped a full container of fish food into the tank, it’s hard for me to empathize with him. Yet normally, I’m a deeply compassionate person. Lately there have been a few times though, when my heart has ached for my preschooler. Coincidentally, Naveen’s been sleeping through the night for going on two weeks now.

On Thursday when I put in The Land Before Time II because I needed the break I was so desperately attached to from when he was still napping (he stopped just about the same time Naveen started sleeping through the night – you draw your own conclusions about the cruel tricks the universe plays). I was going to roll up my sleeves and really get some writing done while he watched this sequel which according to reviews was written specifically for a younger audience.

About an hour into the movie, my boy was crying. Not whining, or tantrum-type screeching, but profound, distressed sobbing with long slopey tears. I asked him what was happening, because I hadn’t really been paying attention to the movie. He told me he was sad because Chomper was gone. I held him on my lap and hugged him. I asked him if I should turn it off but he was torn. So he snuggled in the reassurance of my arms and we watched the last bit together. After it was over, he cried some more. We discussed the movie and I was truly moved by the depth of emotions it had stirred in his three year old self.

Then yesterday on our way to the park when we saw our neighbour, Deaglan cheered out gleefully, “Hi Doug, we have ants all over our house!” Anything else you want to tell him honey, I wanted to ask sourly. Maybe you could tell him about the state of our laundry room or how long it’s been since Mommy washed the kitchen floor.

I thought about this age he was. How hard it must be for him. His world is getting larger, no longer just our family circle; a life he knows how to navigate. This week he’s back to daycare five days a week, away from all that is familiar. In three months he is going to junior kindergarten, where he’ll have to eat lunch from a lunch box, be a part of a class of 24, and even wipe his own bum on the toilet.

Oh I know it’s a part of life. We all lived through it. But still, my throat aches for him, for all the changes he will have to endure in the next while.


I heard it over and over when Deaglan was entering preschooler-hood. Three is the new two. As in they should call it the terrible three’s  instead of the terrible two’s. They were right. However I think three needs a catchy name all its own. And if we are going to dub it appropriately, we need to ensure that it captures all of the passion, the energy and the heart-rending pureness.

Because the the three year-old of my heart, embodies all of this.
And much more.


I'm joining Shell and pouring my heart out.

22 comments:

  1. That Chomper scene got my Joseph around three too. That mama heartache does keep coming around as they enter one new phase of life after the other. Deaglan is going to do fine. He has his mom and dad's joie de vivre!!

    Hugs and hugs and hugs to you as you go back to work!!! I know you'll do great!! Talk to you soon - Kel

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  2. First of all, I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending good thoughts your way. I know you will do fine.

    Secondly, I am so moved by his sensitivity watching the show. I remember this age. It was when I really remember my life beginning. Time before this age is all a blur. But I remember stuff that happened when I was three. It reminds me to know that how I behave around my kids will be remembered forever.

    Lastly, so glad Naveen is consistently sleeping through the night. SO, SO, so very happy for you. You must feel like a new person.

    Lovely writing, Kim. Thank you.

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  3. You have such a way of writing. It not only moves me but captivates me. I always look forward to your posts. I hope everything goes well on your first day back.

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  4. I know it's a transition, but somehow everyone manages to adjust and it just works out. :)

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  5. The transitions are hard. I liked 2 much better than 3, but I think it just depends on the child, you know?

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  6. Yikes! I am just thinking about how hard 2 is going to be, I can't even imagine 3!

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  7. Oh, bless his little heart!! Land Before Time (1 and 2) got me every single time. I love his compassion for things, I'm sure he gets that from his amazing mom!!

    Good Luck at work today :-)

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  8. Deaglan is going to done fine at daycare because he is resilient like his mama.
    wishing you all the best with your own transition!

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  9. Oh, your sweet little boy! Such big changes and what a big heart he has. Thank you for sharing your sweet family.

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  10. I remember Amy at that age, and how she told everyone she was "tree."

    Once, after I found the body of a bird that had just hit the window, I asked Amy if she wanted to see it up close-not in a morbid way, but to study it. She cried, and cried and I felt like the worst mom on the planet for causing her so much distress. We had to have a bird funeral. It was then I realized how sensitive she had become and how careful I had to be.

    Of course, a few days later, in the grocery store-she told a Hell's Angels biker that he had a big stomach. I shouted "Quick Amy-run!!" (Just kidding;)

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  11. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world...is there really any way to fully articulate all the emotions that wash fleetingly through your heart, and the thoughts in your brain?? I never got the chance to be a mother, but remain deeply impressed by those who are...I 'mother' my sanctuary critters instead...

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  12. Just catching up and going back through the photos of the past week. Three - it's a difficult but also wonderful age.

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  13. I've always said three is harder than two! When they're two they are still babies. Then three come along and they are expected to do so much. Little adults. Little people navigating the world. I loved this post. It really brings out the emotions of being so torn as a mother during those tender toddler times. He's a sweet boy!

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  14. Three is definitely harder than two. Such a back and forth between acting like a baby and acting like a big kid.

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  15. Oh, he is so sweet. It amazes me how they can tug at your heart strings and drive you bananas all within seconds of each other.

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  16. Such a touching post. I'm giving him a virtual *hug*.

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  17. What a sweet post!

    My son is 4 (almost 5) and will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. I have had a lot of moments like these where my heart just aches for him. I know that he'll be fine, but when I see anxiety of fear in his eyes when we talk about going to school it makes me hurt for him.

    Stopping by from Shell's blog!

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  18. 3 is actually a little mare manageable for me. But they do go from wanting to run their own lives, to wanting to control everyone elses! Love how you affirmed his feelings during the movie. :)

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  19. I guess I never thought about things from a child's boy of view...there is so much for them to absorb and understand and I should be far more patient than I am.

    Patience is obviously not my strong point though and I find myself so irritated when Maya doesn't understand things I think she should. I am taking a lesson here...really, I am going to make a better effort.

    Sorry about the nap thing...that was a hard one for me to adjust to as well!

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  20. My daughter is three and oh, dear Lord, she is SO challenging all the freaking time!! I ran into her old daycare teacher at the store the other day and she referred to this as the "thrilling threes." I thought that was a pretty accurate description.

    Daycare will be great! He will love it. It may take a few weeks to adjust, but he will love it.

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  21. My 4-1/2 year old boy will be going to kindergarten in September...I also feel for him and all the changes he's going to experience with most of his best preschool buddies going to different schools. I know it will all work out and they make friends fast, but I do wonder how I'm going to handle and help him with any social hurts that come his way. Recently some boys he didn't know called him "Farmer Pickle"...whatever that mean...but it bothered him.
    Anyways, great post.
    - Jill
    www.mommyinconsistent.blogspot.com

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  22. When my youngest daughter was about that age, she cried over the book "Love You Forever". It's a fascinating age, really. I love this post!

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