“What are you thinking about honey?” I asked.
“I’m thinking about Olivia and Thomas, Mommy.”
“Oh yeah? What about them?”
“I was thinking about how much I love them.”
It quieted me; took my breath away, this simple answer.
For the hundredth time since Deaglan has been old enough to utter such magic, I am astounded that we could all be this dreamy, this awesome at the beginning. And wonder that we end up resentful, anxious, I'll be happy when x happens.
Olivia and Thomas are his friends from daycare. He will be leaving them to go to junior kindergarten in a few short weeks. On the way home every afternoon, after he’s told me about his day, what he had for lunch, who he played with out in the yard, I remind him that soon he will go to the Big School. Gently, I explain again that he will have to leave his friends from this “school” and meet new ones.
I remind him out of my fear that it will sneak up on him. I remind him because it hurts me to think about him missing his friends. I remind him to try and manage this big change coming.
It was Monday, not yet noon and I was already weary. Grudges replaying in my head, old resentments, too much to do, self-loathing for what I’d eaten on the weekend.
On and on.
His simple expression of love though, straightened my back at the wheel. I glanced admiringly at him, behind me, unfazed by my impromptu pick-up in the middle of his morning – my failure to note the appointment on our home calendar. Peace-filled and happy when only a week ago, I’d pulled another carpet out from under him – the ending of the soother.
I decided again, right there to try and live differently. So I’m joining Ann and listing my gifts:
1. Healthy children
2. Shaune's work ethic, his lightheartedness, his family
3. My work life
4. Easy-to-make dinners on a Monday
5. Naveen's squeals
6. Flat sandals after a day in heels
7. Three year old comedy...
8. Comfy pants and t-shirts
9. My willingness to change
10. My desire to write it all down
That is so, so sweet. I remember Adrian's best friend from pre-school moving and it probably rocked my world more than his...even though he occasionally still asks, "Remember, my friend David?". That was a year ago...
ReplyDeleteI know it's tough, but you ALL will get through this and put those roots back down and have new friends to love. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so amazed too at how easy it is for kids to show their emotions. My daughter, only 7 months, smiles when she's happy. She doesn't hide, doesn't pretend. She just is. I was thinking earlier about how wonderful that is and why we hide our joy.
ReplyDeleteI hope your little boy does great at his new school.
That is too sweet! I love the innocence of a child and how sincere all of their feelings are at this age.
ReplyDeleteAwwww. He's going to do just great I'm sure :-)
ReplyDeleteYou are so wonderful....
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd been more grown-up when my children were small - maybe I'd heard / learned more from them.
on list you should put 11. love and caring from many strangers.
is there no way to have his little friends for Saturday play dates or such? I don't think you every get over a loss of a special friend.... just having them disappear just stays there. I can picture 4 people that I know longer remember their names but remember their faces.... and wonder were they are.
damn--- that is 'I no longer' the blog missspell fairy again.
ReplyDeletei know what you mean...it will come out of no where...how life throws you a curve ball and you are like...oh...ok....thank you God!
ReplyDeleteDeaglan is so full of wisdom! I wish your little boy many new friends to love on at his new school.
ReplyDeleteLove his words. It is a wonder that we adults land somewhere so far from that.
ReplyDeleteI make these gratitude lists too. Maybe I will make another one today.
I love Ann's site...I found her because of you. :) Your list is so simple, yet, those are often the best things!
ReplyDeleteIs it sad that comfy pants and T-shirts are at the very top of my list?
ReplyDeleteKids' insight truly amazes me. And inspires me.
I love this post, and I'm going to write my own list today:)
ReplyDeleteI've said it before-but those boys of yours are beautiful:)
You list is always a good reminder to me. However, I laughed when I saw 3 year old humor. It is unintentional humor and it makes us laugh every time it catches us off guard. I'm working on a post just about that.
ReplyDeleteCounting blessings is always a good thing.
ReplyDeleteIt was one of the *most* painful things for me to see B's little group of preschool buddies split up to different schools. I am talking p-a-i-n. I know you can relate. He still misses them, and even told me this morning he wished he could go back to preschool. I said, "So do I honey." SIGH
ReplyDeleteGood luck to D!!
Oh, Deaglan is such a love bucket!! Precious.
ReplyDeleteSqueals and comfy pants...throw in chocolate and I'm happy.
ReplyDeleteDeaglan is precious indeed.