Yesterday, late in the afternoon, in the still hot sun, the kids and I took turns choosing songs on Youtube on the tablet in the backyard. Naveen wanted Baby Beluga even though I thought for sure he’d ask for this one we’ve been forced to listen to again and again upon his insistence. Deaglan couldn’t think of something on his first turn so I suggested this, only because I remembered how it made me feel that first time he told me he LOVED it: Surprised, and then suddenly in love with it because it reminded me of him.
No new thing I chose this.
If there’s any chance I can get them onto Springsteen I take it. This age of no records and tapes, and practically extinct CDs makes it harder to exert any influence. I love the story-ness of an album; I lament these 99 cent moments ITunes offers.
I sipped ice cold Chardonnay while they sucked the juice out of freezies.
I’m sort of picky about white wine. Not expensive picky. I adhere to two specific criterion: Hot, hot summer days. Glacially cold Australian Chardonnay. I’m slightly more flexible with red. At 42, finally (!), I have accepted that I’m a happy-hour drinker. Through my twenties and half of my thirties, I tried to believe I was something else: Fun and witty at parties. Charming and enduring at bars. Always lively into the night.
None of these things are true about me.
Instead. I know I’ll be asleep before the good shows come on. And more than two drinks on any given night ruins my next morning. I’m shy. And in most situations I feel I have nothing to offer. I’ll probably never go vegan or start spending more on jeans. I love this song because I know Pink’s onto something even though it’s true, I don’t get her hair. Mascara and eyeliner is my version of putting on my face.
And I tell my little boys all the time that I’m sorry. That it’s okay to cry. That feeling grumpy is normal.
Not because I’m modern and cool.
I just want to make room for my own imperfections.
I had last week off. We celebrated Aunt Pat's birthday. Gramma remembered how much we love that cake from Costco.
After, we all watched Naveen play his final game of Blastball. Pictures to come.
We spent some time with my sister and her family in Northern Michigan.
I go back to work tomorrow and although I'm sorta ready for it, I'll miss happy hour Youtube videos.