What you didn't expect when expecting

I wish I could say that Deaglan was looking off into the distance here, contemplating life, but most likely he was watching Dora or Diego.

It's impossible to completely limit his TV watching and I'm pretty sure we go over the recommended number hours for his age group. However, we try not to let him watch programming with commercials and most of what he watches is pretty wholesome.

And lately I'm doing something I never dreamed I would do as a parent. I'm using the count to three in my disciplining. I guess we all imagine that our kids will be different, they'll listen when we ask them the first time or even the second. But this has not been the case around here.

Shaune and I find that every other sentence coming out of our mouths are either - do you want a time out? or I'm gonna count to three and if you don't listen then you'll get a time out!

The count to three has been working like a charm. Rarely have either of us had to reach three before seeing the desired behaviour. We always try to praise the good behaviour, tell him that he's a good listener or that he did a good job but honestly! I hadn't prepared for this part of parenting.

And finally speaking of things I couldn't have imagined, Deaglan's eating habits won't exactly earn me Mother of the year. I've put either fruit and/or vegetables on that kid's plate since he started eating solids to almost no avail. I've often found myself giving him chicken nuggets or a hotdog because I know he'll eat them.

Sheesh!

Deaglan is wearing a sweater knit by his Gramma - Shaune's mom, who took up knitting especially for Deaglan.

I highly recommend it

Shaune said something funny the other day.

We were watching Deaglan play and he looked at me, wistful, and said, I don't know how I'm ever gonna love this new guy as much as I love him (pointing to Deaglan). I think he'll always be my favourite.

I knew it wouldn't be true but I kind of knew what he meant. When a child takes over your universe the way ours has, it's impossible to imagine making room for another.
And yet we know you do and love that one just as fiercely as the first. All the things that are said of having children are true. Suddenly your heart has legs and is walking around outside of your body. Every new thing he learns, it's as if you are seeing it for the first time too. Life takes on a renewal process because you can't help but see it through his eyes.

You start to remember the magic of things again, like eating freshly fallen snow, or staring up at a horse for the first time.

We went to a local sugar bush yesterday where we ate locally made maple syrup, and toured the grounds on a horse drawn trolley.

Delicious

When I was on maternity leave I did a little cooking. It was the first time in my life I felt excited about domesticity. I cracked open a wonderful Indian cookbook my niece gifted to me and learned a few dishes. Some of them worked out and some didn’t.

I remember Shaune used to say that he loved walking through the door on those days when he could smell a curry bubbling on the stove.

When I went back to work, the experimentation stopped but I continued to make some of the more successful recipes. However, instead of a few times a week, I would try to make a big batch every few months and freeze 2-serving portions so we could pull these out on busy week nights.

I don’t know whether it’s because from the day I met Shaune he made it clear that cooking was his passion so that I stopped even trying or that I am not by nature very talented in the kitchen but sometimes I wish I could whip up a fragrant dal or mouthwatering chicken korma with ease.

I didn’t grow up with Indian food on the table, my family is Canadian and we stuck to the things you would expect. But oh how I crave the aromatic spicy dishes of this cuisine. Maybe I’ll brush up on my few skills in this on the next maternity leave.

I tried to find a picture in our archives of something delicious but since no curry dishes jumped out at me, I posted this delicious picture of Deaglan last summer at the beach.

The things Deaglan says

Keep your eyes open mommy to see a choo-choo train.

(Every morning and afternoon on our drive to and from daycare, we are on the lookout for trains, mighty-machines (big cranes or bulldozers), dogs, the Thames River, garbage trucks and school buses. I told him to keep his eyes open once and ever since he has told me to do the same)

Can I be a nude-dude please???

(Several months ago Shaune began calling Deaglan a nude-dude whenever the kid was running around naked. It has become somewhat of an event before and after bath-time, or anytime he has escaped our grasp without clothes on.)

I don't like/want mommy/daddy. I want daddy/mommy.

(This is usually said to the parent present who is doing the undesirable thing to him...changing his diaper, telling him T.V. time is over - it's my least favourite thing that he utters)

Mommy have you seen Dekwen?

(He often yells this out from wherever he's hiding when he doesn't think you are looking hard enough for him)

I see Mommy's penis.

(Too much information I know and he has only said this once. We were getting ready for an outing on one of the days I have Deaglan on my own and he said this when he saw me coming out of the shower. I gently explained to him the difference between mommies and daddies in this respect)

I love you too mommy/daddy.

(Possibly the sweetest words I've ever heard in my life)

Mommy you look beeootiful and have pretty earrings.

(Okay it could be a toss-up between this one and the last for my favourite)

I stole the picture from Shaune's foodblog. This granola was outstanding sprinkled on my cheerios everymorning.

The things people say

I'm at that point in this pregnancy when people are not editing themselves before speaking to me. Something happens when people see a pregnant woman. All normal rules of social etiquette seem to fly out the window. It doesn't surprise me that grouchiness and pregnancy are sometimes associated.

I'm in pretty good spirits these days so I'm not letting comments like Are you sure you're not due now??? or You're already waddling! get to me. Give me a few months and add several more pounds and it will be a different story.

I'm 5'2" and have a short torso. There really is no place for a growing baby and all of my other organs to hide.

But waddle or no waddle, I look at this face to the right and realize I grow a damn fine specimen!

The emotional life of this boy

I've been reading a book called Raising Cain: protecting the emotional life of boys by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson. It dawned on me after we were told that we'd be having another boy that I knew nothing about boys despite the fact that I grew up surrounded by four brothers, always had a father around and have been dating men since I was 15 - I've stopped dating them and settled on one in particular but you know all about that.

And as with anything worth knowing in life, I realize that nothing will beat my experiential knowledge still to come in the years ahead but I wanted to be prepared with some rudimentary insights into the psychology of boys.

Interesting stuff.

I've begun to realize that there are a lot of myths when it comes to how we all so easily dismiss certain traits as "Aww it's just men - that's how they are". Most interestingly to me is the theory that men are not unemotional by nature but more likely due to nurture. The authors - both experienced and well established psychologists give tons of evidence that supports the theory that what's missing in a lot of boys' upbringings is the tools to express themselves emotionally. I won't bore you with a book report but I've found this a valuable read.

Coincidentally, in the last few weeks on our drive home from work and daycare, I've noticed that when asked about his day at school, Deaglan often mentions one of his friends and their emotional being that day. Last week he said Emma cryin. I asked him why Emma was crying and he said Emma tired. Today on our drive he told me about Jeremy just out of the blue Jeremy sad When I asked why, he said Jeremy hungry.

I tried to get him to expand each time but really how much can a two year old elaborate? I realized though that it's important during these conversations to let him know that these states his friends have been in are okay and good and normal. I tell him that when someone is sad, it's nice to give them a hug. Usually after these touchy feely talks we go back to looking for garbage trucks or the signs of a train coming. It's about balance right?

The little people

Pregnant women are coming out of the woodwork around here. And we're all due this summer. Brace yourselves for a population surge.

Seriously.

And there is a lot of controversy. Should you find out the sex? Are you showing too early? Why aren't you showing yet? Will you keep your toddler in daycare or pull him out when the baby comes? Will you go with a trendy name, something pulled out of the history books, soaps or will you make him or her a namesake?

My baby, the one on the inside is making himself felt lately. I forgot, even though it was only just over two years ago, how odd yet wonderful it is to have a little person moving inside of you.

The little person on the outside is moving around a lot too. I find I have to outsmart him these days because I certainly can't catch him. He's developed quite a few habits that I find hard to hate. For instance when he is in the time-out chair, because he doesn't quite understand the concept that he needs to sit there for longer than two seconds, I must sit on the floor acting as a barrier between him and freedom, he often reaches out and strokes my hair and with the sweetest most sincere expression says: I'm sorry mommy. Even Supernanny would have a hard time resisiting that little face.

Well - we chose to find out the gender of our baby and we are going to go with a not so trendy name and we may keep the toddler in daycare part time and I definitely think I am showing way too much.

It's good to be growing a baby but I also yearn for a time when my belly will be flatter, my back not so achy and food will be a meal instead of the constant landscape of my daydreams.

I'm enjoying this trimester though - often referred to as the 'honeymoon' phase of pregnancy. I'm in no hurry to get to the end just yet.