Me and my little family minus the cat were at Chapter's a few weeks ago. For you, my international friends, Chapter's is Canada's big bookstore. Shaune was checking out cookbooks and Deaglan and I were over in the children's section playing with Thomas and his other train friends. Just before we were ready to leave I saw my friend and colleague who had moved jobs while I was on maternity leave. Although we periodically checked in with each other over Facebook, I hadn't seen her since before I had Deaglan. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Oh my God you're pregnant!!! (As I rub her tummy) Congratulations - it's about time!
Her (not smiling at all): No I'm actually not.
Me (feeling light-headed and nauseaus): Oh my God, I'm so sorry. It's just that you're usually so thin. (Okay honestly please God help me to stop talking)
Her: (Most likely wondering why she hasn't punched me in the face or just walked away) Yeah, I gained some weight.
Me: (almost crying now while still trying to keep an eye on Deaglan who is trying to pull books off the shelves - where the hell is Shaune when I need him?) Please, please I don't know what I'm saying, I can't believe I just said that. (hugging her)
Her: (weakly) No honest it's okay. I get that all the time.
Me: (trying to change the subject) So how are you?
This conversation went on for at least another agonizing fifteen minutes where everything I said just made me sound even more crazy and insensitive. I have never wished more for a fire alarm or a hostage situation or an alien invasion.