By some standards I'm considered an older mom. I didn't have Deaglan till I was in my 'late' thirties meaning over 35. A lot of the people I went to highschool with and who I only recently caught up with again through Facebook had kids when they were in their 20's - some of them in their early 20's. More than a few of them have teenagers.Sometimes I wish I had started earlier so that I didn't feel this sense of urgency to finish all the childbearing before it is too late. Sort of like dumping the entire allowable chunk of money into your RSP's the day before income taxes are due instead of contributing at a steady rate throughout the year.
But some people are ready earlier and others need to get some things sorted out. I can't say that I was busy travelling the world or building a lucrative career, or whatever else is an acceptable excuse as to why people wait to marry and settle down. I just needed that extra time.
My friend Sarah said the other day that people like us (her and I and others who waited until later) just skipped our first marriages. We went straight to the second one. We spent the first marriage alone, partying and drinking too much, waitressing and bartending longer than we should have, procrastinating about everything, paying off education debts we incurred that never paid off and pipe dreaming about careers that were a fantasy drilled into us by our predecessors.
So here I am, at 38 not even married for a full year, with my first baby feeling a bit undone that I didn't start sooner. Mentally I do the math all the time, making myself a little nutty and try not to get depressed.
When he's 25, I'll be 63 and if he's like me he still won't be married and what if I'm not around to see him get married and what if he doesn't have kids till after I'm gone but people live longer nowadays but then look at all the new cancers that pop up all the time - did you know that deodorant and underwire bras can cause breast cancer???!!
However!
Would I have been as an effective mother at 25 as I am now? I know - no. Could I have made him the centre of my universe like he is now? Maybe. I don't know. We all get to where we want to go at our own pace. It's tough though sometimes living in this world where we constantly measure ourselves and each other by standards that we've established that don't mean anything.
There's a plan, friend, and you're in it. Wanna feel better? My Mom's boyfriend, who is 66, has kids the same age as I do. Yup. He's 66 and has a 13 year old (and a 15 year old). don't you feel normal now?
ReplyDeleteI sometimes wish we had started our family sooner - I think it's harder keeping up with a very busy toddler and sleepless nights being older than when I was much younger. But I also could not have been home with my son because we had not saved enough until recently.
ReplyDeleteThings have a way of working out they way they are supposed to. Both my husband and me were born to mom's 38+ and our moms are still around chasing our little one around. Make sure you're healthy and try to live a long and happy life! And the rest will work itself out!
I've heard about the cancer from deorderant thing - but never the underwire bras...I guess that it's a good thing I'm so flat chested!
ReplyDeleteI had my oldest at 25 and had my youngest at 37. I can tell you without a doubt that I am in a better space to be someone's mother now than I was then. At 25 I was still figuring out who I was, while at the same time, trying to shape who someone else will become.
ReplyDeletefor me this is your best entry yet... maybe because I can see how you are feeling. I had my first child at 19 and the second 13 months later at 20, barely 2 weeks after turning 40 I was a grandmother and again when 45, the child I enjoy the most is my grandaughter - 45 years my junior - because she came along when I was ready... keep yourself fit, and enjoy him today - without worry about when your 63... it will happen but not too soon.
ReplyDeleteI had my Jillian when I was 37. Bringing her home from the hospital, I felt more centered as a mother and more whole as a woman. Being older gave me a better handle on handling the stress of life with a baby. I had my first son at 29 and I was clueless about how to do anything. Deaglan's world is full of love, wisdom, thoughtfulness and joy because you became his mother at just the right time. I know that you will stay healthy and focused on being not only a great mother, but also a wonderful role model for your son to admire for decades and decades to come.
ReplyDeleteWell, I had some early,(20's) and I had some late. Real late - 40 and 42 years old!I often panic about my age too, but it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say, that there are pros and cons for both age groups. Please don't sweat it Kim, enjoy him, and trust that all things are meant to be as they are, for a reason.xx♥
Kim-what the hell is an effective mother anyway? is there a manual? a scorecard? please don't completely throw out the 25 Kim. The child would love and enjoy her.
ReplyDelete~rick
No worries!! Lots of women have babies when they're older. Mama had my little brother when she was 38. She'll be 50 this month and he'll be 12 in December. It's all good :)
ReplyDeleteWhat you decided and did is normal for you. I had Noah at 30 because my body wouldn't let me have him at 23. I have wanted another baby for the past 7 years and no-go. I pray to be pregnant and have a second child before 40. If not, I will roll with it. I will take each day and enjoy the gift of Noah. Enjoy your life and I agree, you rock RIGHT NOW as a Mom. Things progressed just as they were supposed to. Look at how wise you are. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's all good. You love him and you're his Mum, that's all that counts.
ReplyDeletewhat a good post. very reflective! i see many of my friends around me moving on to have their second and third children, and i'm still content with my first. i'm not in any hurry and i know God has a plan and i will just stick with that.
ReplyDeleteI think at no matter what age we all come to a point at wondering if it was the right time to have kids. I've come to learn that at all stages we have something to learn and something to offer. To each their own and enjoy it. Worry about the later years when they come. Right now just delight in the present and keep fit to enjoy the later years.
ReplyDeletei think it is great that you waited. i wish i would have waited. my mom had me when she was 39 if that makes you feel better! and i think that it made her younger.
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