Thursday, 9 December 2010

Sexy vampires make me want to vomit

I have no tolerance for vampire stories. I refuse to read novels about them, won't watch any of the twelve thousand new TV shows about teenage 90210 vampires and wouldn't dream of paying ten bucks to see beautiful twenty-something British actors biting each other's necks on the big screen.

I will be so bold as to say I hate the vampire movement. It bugs the crap out of me. Some people will accuse me of being a realist, of lacking imagination, even of not being fun. But I don't care.

I prefer drama of the mortal world. I like law and order. I mean I really like Law and Order. All through my adult life, my roaring twenties when I thought I was the first person ever to discover the beauty of Van Morrison and wearing Doc Martens made me anti-establishment (please!) I have watched this show. In my early thirties where I saw myself as some sort of sophisticated urbanite because I ate expensive food and drank good wine and into my late thirties where I've finally started to uncover the me I like, I've always loved Law and Order.

There is something simple about the formula. A person discovers a body. The cops come in, take cues from the crime scene to uncover what happened. The lawyers prosecute those responsible. There is nothing glamorous. There is no plot. We rarely get a personal look into the bedrooms or even the kitchens of the characters unless it is crucial to the story of the crime. And my favourite part?

It's real.

In Dick Wolf's world, there are no gratuitous sex scenes, no seductive teenagers committing the crimes to drive up ratings, no superhero detective named H swooping in to save the day, wearing clothes he likely couldn't afford on a real life cop's salary, no solving the crime within the hour time frame, no good guys always winning. The bum on the street, looks like a bum on the street, not a beautiful guest actor with strategically placed 'bum' makeup above his eye.

And the story unfolds as it would in life. In his memoirs, Stephen King says that he rarely ever writes a novel with a preconceived plot. He starts out with an idea or situation and then lets the story uncover itself - he likens it to digging up a dinosaur skeleton. Done right with the appropriate tools, he says, the story will show itself.

It's not unusual for the DA's office to lose their case on a tiny technicality. Sometimes the person we spent 45 minutes blaming for the crime ends up being innocent. Children die. Women get raped and don't get justice. Innocent men spend ten years behind bars. People are refused medical care because they can't pay.

Real life. Ugly and messy.

I'm participating with Mama Kat using the prompts simple and bold. Check out some of the other entries.


  1. lol... I like sexy vampires (hate all the stupid TV shows out there though) but it's definitely not for every body..... and I think that one of the reasons I enjoy the supernatural, fantasy drama is because in real life? I work with children who are abused, mother's who are addicted and in DV relationships, and worse... so shows like Law and Order? not really entertaining... it's way too real for me. So bring on the sexy vampires ;)

  2. Remind me to tell you about how much vampires freak me out! When I was 6, we moved to an apartment across from a cemetery. I would keep the sheet up around my neck every night. I definitely don't share many people's love affair with vampires.

  3. I could not agree with you more! I have not fallen prey to the whole vampire craze. I don't get it. I love Law and Order! The original was the bets, but I stopped watching after Jerry died. They finally put that show to bed. SVU is my next favorite. Ripped from the headlines...dun dun dun!

  4. Thanks for stopping by my blog this morning!

    I love your description of Law and Order. It makes me appreciate the show that much more. Have you seen the BBC version?

  5. I have to admit, I like vampires and the make-believe stuff because I like to escape reality. However, I do think the sexy vampire thing is being over done now. I liked it when it was just Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But now we have Vampire Diaries and Twilight. The list goes on and one. Tiresome.

    If it's too real, I can't watch. I get nightmares.

  6. I'm with you all the way about vampires and werewolves! I'm having enough trouble as it is in this real world.

    I also watch too much Law and Order at night time to relax. Odd, I know! :-)

  7. I love this rant! Maybe especially because I have a guilty-pleasure weakness for vampire stories...

  8. Saw a rerun of Law and Order SVU with Jennifer Love Hewitt the other day. Emmy worthy performance!

  9. J'ai appris des choses interessantes grace a vous, et vous m'avez aide a resoudre un probleme, merci.

    - Daniel


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