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• I'd been in Canada for about seven months when he was born. I'm eight years older. When he was almost a year old, us kids had him open most of our gifts weeks before Christmas. He was crawling, at that age where he would tear apart whatever was in his path.We only needed a small rip that would allow us to see what the package contained. I knew what every gift was by Christmas morning.
• He was the first baby I ever changed. The first one I ever babysat.

• We've had two big arguments in our relationship. He apologized first both times. And he cried while doing so.

• We met for a beer one evening at a lunchtime eatery my sister always frequented. An old bank turned restaurant you could order half a sandwich with a scoop of potato salad - it was cafeteria style. When I got there, he'd already ordered us each a Blue Light. It was the night he told me he was gay. I told him that I already knew. He cried with relief and we laughed, hugged and ordered more beer.
• He loved my (and Shaune's) dog Judge.
• Shaune and I helped him move into his first apartment in Toronto. His massive couch was a pain in the butt.

• Shaune cooked a beautiful fancy meal for Matt and his first serious boyfriend. We'd never been on a double date before. It was beyond fun.
• Matt was good at disguising his voice on the phone. He got me a few times pretending to be an old lady who accidentally dialled my number looking for her son.
• He told me that he was unapologetically materialistic.

• He always felt deeply for the underprivileged and was generous.
• He loved sushi and worked out all the time. He was beautiful to look at.

• He was quick witted, self-deprecating and had a way of tickling my funny bone very few people could. Even during serious conversations, we always laughed. 
• Growing up I always gravitated toward gay people. In university I had a warm group of gay friends who I spent a lot of time with. I think God's work put Matthew in my life even though we are not biological siblings. When he came 'out' to me, I wrapped him in a warm blanket of love, pride and acceptance. 

• He loved Shaune's cooking.
• When we were little, we could always upset him by calling him Matt-ress.
• He and my younger sister Laura used to put on plays in our living room.
• He could never remember whether my birthday was on the 19th or 20th of April.
• Last year, I sent the Starbuck's gift certificate I got for his birthday to his old address. He never got it and it was never returned to sender.
• Last year was the first time in as long as I can remember that he didn't call me on my birthday.
• He was caught in the background of an episode of Just for Laughs.

• He talked about his three brown sisters from Bangladesh with pride to his friends. They told me this at the funeral.
• Whenever I hear about what's going on with the gay community I feel two things. Compassion. And deep sadness. I would have liked my boys to know the struggles this community has faced through their Uncle Matt.

• Lately I feel envious of anyone else's memories of him. I feel like a starving man looking through a dumpster for scraps to nourish my meager supply of memories. I wish I had more. More time with him. More hugs. More opportunities to love him. More laughs. Just more.
• I miss him. 

• He told me that he needed me several times over the last few years. I'm not sure if I did a good job of being there for him.
• I wish I had called him back that last Monday night.
• Although he wasn't the youngest child in our family, he was the youngest for a long time so that I always will consider him my baby brother.

• Sometimes he told me things which stressed me out to know.
• His middle name was James. And he dressed beautifully.
• When he moved to Los Angeles I gave him a hundred dollars.

• He was afraid to tell me that he couldn't take care of his dog and work so much and that he'd had to find a home for her. I told him I was proud of him for knowing what was best for the dog.
• He was the first person to see Deaglan take his first steps.
  
  
• He would have celebrated his 32nd birthday the day after tomorrow.