Thursday, 17 February 2011

My worries and my mantra

The only way I feel comfortable enough to have a shower when it's just me and the kids is to put the baby in the crib where he can't really hurt himself and crank up some tunes. Anne Murray's There's a hippo in my tub was a favourite in our house growing up and I've taught both kids to love it. Naveen will quite literally stop whatever he's doing as soon as I press play and Deaglan knows almost every word by heart.

Lately the three year old wants to get in the crib with the baby. After a few mishaps (he pulled all of the animals off the wall adjacent to the crib one time, and was jumping so hard the baby fell over another), I only allow it if I'm in the room to supervise and after I've given a stern lecture about what is and isn't acceptable crib behaviour.
These boys bring out a multitude of emotions in me on any given day. Often Deaglan refers to Naveen as his baby. He'll say Mommy, I love having a baby. I don't have to tell you how that makes me feel. But then this morning, after three days of watching me give Naveen all of my energy because he has a virus, Deaglan advised me to let the baby play outside by himself so a bad man could steal him!

Almost daily I wonder how families with more kids than we have, do it. I shake my head in awe when I think about the stay-at-home parents for whom this is a permanent job.  I will be heading back to work in June and with that in mind I try to soak it in most of the time, look forward to the break being at work will give me some of the time, and struggle to do my very best all of the time.

And that looks different each day.

I registered Deaglan for junior kindergarten. He'll be going in September. I try to keep my mind on today because thinking about all of the changes to come can make me feel like I'm drowning. He's still in diapers to some extent (he won't poop in the potty - we've offered chocolate, money, even a trip to Hawaii), still uses a soother for naps and bedtimes. He eats non-stop between the time he gets up and the time he goes to bed - how will I ever pack enough food into a lunch box? And don't even get me started on the fear I feel thinking about weaning the baby from my breast long enough to  leave him at the daycare that first time.
I know this is all normal. I don't miss my before-kids days. I'd rather be sitting here looking at these beautiful boys, worrying about their futures. I would rather feel like I'm going to pull my hair out because Deaglan just crumbled the yoke of his hard boiled egg all over the carpet. I'd rather be so tired that when Deaglan asks me to play, I suggest a game called "bedtime" where mommy has to lay on the floor and pretend she's asleep. I'd rather be nursing a child, or pulling a new crawler off the stairs for the hundredth time.

This is where I want to be.

And totally unrelated but equally exciting? I finally removed the last of the nailpolish from the pedicure I got for Shaune's cousin Carla's wedding in July!

This is my entry for Mama Kat's prompt - finding the balance, how do you manage?


  1. It's so hard to find the balance as a mom, but I'm getting there. Great response to the prompt!

  2. I don't always balance well. Today I am concentrating on playing.

  3. Teach Deaglan a game we play - rock. He has to pretend to be a rock. And what do rocks do? Nothing. They lay perfectly still. Sometimes it can get me a moment of silence here. Another one, we sing "Shake your sillies out." It's a Raffi song. Look it up. I think they kids will enjoy it.

    I love hearing how you juggle your boys. And I think it tougher having two boys than a girl and a boy. My girl is so much calmer than my boy ever was. I think it will get more challenging in the teen years. I'll enjoy it now.

    And those lounge pants look SO comfy.

  4. Intense post Kim. It is hard to ever understand a day in the life of a mother... unless of course if they are themselves a mother.

    Take care. Hugs

  5. Yep - been there - still there...wouldn't change it for anything, the hardest thing ever, but the BEST

  6. It really is the hardest, but the best thing ever, and sadly time flies and they grow up so fast.

    Take it one day at a time Kim. You are an awesome mom:)

  7. You made me feel better about my old toenail polish. ;)

    LOL @ wanting to put the baby outside!

  8. "Deaglan advised me to let the baby play outside by himself so a bad man could steal him!" Ha ha ha! I love this about young kids!

    I had a friend who used to talk about the "toddler torture game" where you lie down to pretend to sleep and the kid wakes you just as you doze off.

  9. Oh my, the bedlam of those younger days! With four babies, all under six, I HAD to have some help at home, otherwise we couldn't safely leave the house together (eyes skywards). Of course you are going to be naturally aprehensive at all the changes that lie ahead, you're a mother, that job comes gift-wrapped in guilt! All I can say is my lil sis', also the mother of two young children, recently returned to teaching - and despite all the juggling and spreading herself thin, I have never seen either her or her family looking so happy as they are at present. You'll see..

  10. I find that the ups and downs of mothering seem to happen in a blink of an eye. Right now, Jillian is yelling at the top of her lungs that Joseph is hugging her too hard. This happens 100 times a day lately :) But I love them all and I manage through the craziness somehow. I know, chocolate is my answer. Hugs!!!!!!!

  11. What an awesome post Kim. I laughed aloud when I read Deaglan's idea for his little brother...let the baby play outside by himself so a bad man could steal him!" Priceless!
    Congrats on your clean tosies. ;)


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