Own your body
We had some medications delivered to the house by the pharmacy this morning. When the delivery man came to the door, he asked for Shaune's credit card since he was the one to fill the prescription. My husband was in the shower, so I grabbed the baby and told Deaglan to follow me upstairs so I could get his signature. I felt awkward taking both kids with me but knew for sure I didn't want to leave anyone alone with a strange man while I ran upstairs. Even after the friendly middle-aged man bid me a good day and drove off, I felt a sting of shame for implying that I didn't trust him alone with my kids even for 60 seconds.
I want to protect my two boys from everything. I'm still in that new-parent stage where I think I can.
I have that kind of personality where my social instinct is to be a people pleaser. I try to create peace and good will most of the time even if my inner self might be telling me to do otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I can do confrontations, but I don't like it.
This quality trips me up as a parent.
For instance, sometimes I find myself pushing Deaglan to give hugs and kisses to friends and family who to him might as well be strangers - people he'd met once or twice in his short little life.
In an episode on potty training Alyson Schafer of The Parenting Show says that it's important to teach kids to be in charge of their own bodies when it comes to knowing when they are ready to use the potty or whether or not they want to hug or kiss others. She says to do otherwise, is teaching them that adults are in charge of their bodies which can set them up to later fall victim to sexual abuse. She emphasized that it didn't mean they would be victims of sexual abuse but that when you teach a person that adults always know best, they don't learn the valuable lesson that they might know what's best for them. If some instinct within is guiding them against showing affection toward someone, they need to learn to respect that.
Sexual abuse destroyed someone very close to me. I might be extra sensitive to it. I know for sure that I will do everything possible to teach Deaglan and Naveen to be masters of their domains. Like my friend Nancy, I want to teach my boys that we don't keep secrets in this family. That the boogeyman can be just about anybody.
I'm joining Shell for Pour Your Heart Out.
It's hard to walk that fine line between being polite...and making sure that our kids are safe. I'd rather been seen as rude and keep my kids safe.
ReplyDeleteI feel really strange about forcing my daughter to hug people. We let her decide. Thankfully, she's very loving and usually gives nice hugs to even the crustiest old members of the family.
ReplyDeleteI also have trouble striking a balance between stranger danger and scaring the living daylights out of the kid.
Excellent point! I'm a new mom myself and I've never thought about the correlation, but you're right! A very important lesson to take with me down the road.
ReplyDeleteMost likely the delivery man is a parent, or has friends who are parents, and understands. In any case, you definitely did the appropriate thing.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't feel any guilt for taking both your kids. It would have taken him less than 60 seconds to snatch one of them if you didn't. You should never feel guilty for protecting your children.
ReplyDeleteI think feelings of concern like these are perfectly normal and a testiment to the kind of mother you are - a good one. I think we need to protect them as long as we can but also teach them to own their bodies. I like that terminology.
ReplyDeleteI would have done the same. You'll never know who is a big bad wolf nowadays!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. I always worry that my kids are going to be hurt by someone and I have no idea how to protect them from that. I would have done the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI would have carted my kids upstairs too! Better safe than sorry and I would far rather over-protect my kid, and possibly offend a stranger, than the opposite!
ReplyDeleteExcellent post!
That fear is justified Kim... In any case, I loved this post... because it taught me essential things... thanks for writing it. You honesty helps others around you.
ReplyDeleteWe regularly have talks with our kids about our bodies and how nobody can touch their bodies unless mommy or daddy are washing them... and now, our 9 year old washes himself obviously so NOONE is allowed to touch him. My kids are never away from me {I homeschool}, but I want them to be prepared just in case they ever are.
ReplyDeleteThese days, you really can't be too safe with your children. I would have done the same thing with my little ones. Communication is so essential to keep kids in the loop about what behavior is acceptable or not. You have to be a vigilant mama and advocate all the time.
ReplyDeleteKIm, this post is SPOT ON. Go with your instincts and the boogey man or woman can be just about anybody. Well done my friend, well done. ;)
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