Tangible

We were vacationing last week. 

First we went to Manitoulin Island for a few days – met up with Shaune’s folks, sister and her family - and then hung around home for the last few days. The kids had a blast. They got to spend good chunks of time with their grandparents, which in their books is the same as winning the lottery, and when we were home the remainder of the week, we slept in and went to the park two times each day.

It filled me up to spend whole days with those boys of mine.

It always takes me a while to unwind from work and when I finally did this time, I realized how much Naveen has grown. His sweet little personality is in full blossom. This boy who was tucked snug in my belly only two short years ago is now cracking jokes. Here’s his version of one:

Naveen (with a teasing glint in his eyes): Mama, me want a toe-toe.

Me (acting surprised): A toe-toe? Okay, here you go. (Handing him something imaginary which he then eats. He then waits for my reaction.)

Me: Ewwww, I can’t believe you ate a toe-toe!

Naveen: (Laughs hysterically)

I also noticed changes in Deaglan. 

In early January during a game of checkers he told me that sometimes at school he felt like a “piece of junk”. I remember exactly how it made me feel to hear my four year old say that – like someone had surprise punched me in the stomach.

“Why????” I cried.

“Because sometimes Adam doesn’t want to play with me.”

“When doesn’t he want to play with you honey?”

“When I’m being shy. When I’m being shy, he plays with Jabon.”

“Oh.” I said, understanding. 

I’d never realized that his shyness was bothering him. We’d begun to notice that in social situations with other kids, Deaglan was very shy. It took him all day to warm up to the kids at school, not because he didn't want to play, but because he didn't know how to enter into the situation. By the end of the day, he was usually fully engaged with his friends, playing normally. So we dismissed our concerns. After all, both Shaune and I had been very shy kids.

Shaune still is but the restaurant business beat it out of me, I swear. 

We talked a little more about it during the rest of our checkers game that night, came up with some solutions for the next time he might feel shy but didn’t want to lose out on playing with his friend.  And I Googled it later. I wanted to know how to help him. I found some awesome stuff. 

Without overwhelming him we began to slowly nudge him toward breaking out of his shyness when he could. We told him what to say if he was in a new situation where he wanted to join in on the fun. And we praised him when he made any efforts to make friends. 

It felt counterintuitive to me.  Normally I wouldn’t have wanted to make an issue of it, give him reason to think there was anything wrong with being shy. But that evening playing checkers, hearing how much it was bothering him, well it just about undid me.

This last week I noticed how far he’s come. While he doesn’t run over and join in the games right away, he does make himself available with eye contact, sometimes holding up a toy he wants to share. He still acts awkward at times, makes odd faces because he's not sure how to be. At these times I want to squeeze him to me, give him a voice, say the things I know he wants to.

But he's trying all the time and this makes Shaune and me smile because we see that he understands he needs to help himself.

Here are some pictures from last week. We mostly forgot to bring the camera with us on our outings. 

 Deaglan helped drive Gramma and Grampa's boat.

 On the last day, on the last boat ride just as we were docking, Naveen mumbled to me that he'd like to drive the boat too. I told Grampa this and he promised that next year he could.

 Cousin Layton will be old enough by then to help drive too. 

Try to imagine me shouting from the sidelines "Deaglan, slow down, he's too little to go that fast!"