Who really is the biggest loser?

I don’t usually get worked up about what’s going on in celebrity culture – mostly because I can’t relate to them and likely they wouldn’t be very interested in my little life. But when I read this article about what Jillian Michaels said about pregnancy my face heated up a little and at first what was a tiny niggle of irritation bloomed into a “I’d like to give her a piece of my mind” kind of annoyance.

I think what bothers me most is that she gets paid (probably an unjustifiable amount) to coach people into shape. People of all shapes and sizes. Many of whom have given birth to children. That the thought of pregnancy seems to repulse her makes me wonder how much credibility she has lost with some of the contestants. I mean isn’t the best part of being coached by someone like her the fact that she used to be overweight herself?? That she has walked in these people’s shoes??

It’s sad to me that such a public person, with some clear responsibility in the realm of body image and self-esteem has decided to make such a lazy comment about one of - if not the most (in my opinion) - important job a woman will ever do.

Because you know what? Even though pregnancy is unpredictable and scary and can wreak havoc on your body, it is at the same time beautiful, and magical and full of grace. And not because I am a pregnant woman writing this but I find the pregnant body awe-some. And I find carrying a child in my uterus to be a joy and one of the greatest honours.

So I have these two things to say to Jillian:

In the end I hope that you don’t decide against having children only because of this fear of ruining your perfect body. Because honey, age will ravage all that you have worked hard for.

And…

Being an adopted person, it’s slightly insulting to think that someone might have thought they were ‘rescuing’ me. I’ve rescued before but only from animal shelters. And even then that dog and that cat have given me far more than I could ever give them.

No thanks to Simon Cowell

I don't know if we're doing this next generation any favours with shows like American Idol and America's got talent or even Hannah Montanna for that matter. These programs that foster the idea that success is found by winning a contest or that the only kind of success that counts is that found in showbusiness really challenges our roles as parents who want to raise kids with sound goals and values.

I was watching one of these shows the other night and a twenty-year-old kid said that if he won the million dollars he would want his mom to quit working. The camera then found his mother (who looked to be about 40 if that) at stage left beaming trying to look teary-eyed as a stray tear fell down her cheek.

I felt none of the things I'm sure I was supposed to feel. No sympathy for this kid who hadn't yet made it, no feelings of I hope you get to stop working lady after all these long years - what's it been 10 years in the workforce - of doing what - working at some midlevel office job?

It's a shame that so many young people think hard work the old fashioned way is for chumps. It's frightening hearing so many teenaged girls wishing they could be super models, or the next Britney or Paris. TV makes this looks so possible, like if they were just given the opportunity, they could rise to instant fame.

I read a news article where they were interviewing junior high students, and when asked what these kids wanted to do when they were grew up a majority of them said things like: I want to be an actress or I want to be a movie producer or I want to design clothes or I want to live in New York and write screenplays. One girl even said that she wanted to be a socialite like Paris! I'm not kidding. And very few said things like: I want to be a teacher or a policeman or a doctor or help people.

Celebrity culture's destructive presence is seeping into our homes on all levels it seems. It's hard to know what to do about it since isolating your children can't be healthy either. I mean let's face it, we do let Deaglan watch some TV but even the children's shows that we grew up with use pop culture's influence to increase their viewership. On Sesame Street a while ago, the puppets (muppets?) were spoofing a popular music video to teach the word of the day and the letter of the day.

Parenting is hard enough on it's own but having to compete with instant fame and rich socialites is another ball game alltogether. We really have our work cut out for us!

An oasis of freedom and justice

A friend of mine went to a family function a few weeks ago where her mother-in-law in describing someone else said to my friend..."well she's like you, she doesn't cook or clean either."

When she told me this story we both rolled our eyes and laughed because this was her mother-in-law's way of saying..."my precious son does everything around the house you lazy good-for-nothing."

But it made me think about how things have changed and also about how there will always be a generation or a group of people who will resist those changes.

Because if you think about it, no one even bats an eye lash when they hear that the woman of the house does all the cooking and the cleaning. It's as it should be they all think. But often when I tell people that Shaune does most of the cooking in our house they are truly impressed and can't believe my fortune to have found such a rare man. This always makes me wonder - how far has the woman's movement really come???

And this lead me to consider all of the other developments we've seen in the last few years. While we can certainly look at them and say - yes the world has really come a long way - it's just as easy to say - what the hell took so long?!!

Take Obama for instance. Even though I'm not an American, I can sincerely say that we have seen a new day and one that I am thrilled that Deaglan has been witness to. But not because I am so grateful that a black person was given the job but because it's about time a person was elected based on his abilities regardless of skin colour. I feel relieved that Deaglan's generation might not have to continue to evaluate a person's worth based on the colour of their skin but the content of their character.

And I also mulled over the legalization of gay marriage in Canada, the fourth country (after The Netherlands, Belgium and Spain) in the world to legalize same-sex marriage. Although July 20, 2005 is the official date that parliament passed the Civil Marriage Act, many parts of Canada (almost 90 %) had already legalized gay marriage since 1999.

My reaction to giving people in committed same-sex relationships the same benefits commonly associated with committed heterosexual relationships is - it's about f*#@ing time! Maybe it's because I have been a visible minority all my life, or maybe it's because I'm a woman, or maybe it's because I've had to sit helplessly by and watch gay friends and family get treated like less-than-second class citizens because we live in a society that has little to no tolerance for anyone that even remotely deviates from the narrowly defined view of what's 'normal'. Or maybe my reaction is based on a combination of all of it.

All I know is that these changes certainly make my job of raising a child a bit easier. I mean really, how were we supposed to tell our brown-skinned children to dream about being the kings and queens of the world when they had no kings and queens to follow? And how were we to teach our children to be proud of who God created them to be if our world and our society didn't support them in their individual splendours as full citizens? And how could we tell our girls that they were just as capable as boys in whatever they pursued if we were also busy telling them that anything to do with family and home was also solely their job??

See a shrink!

I'm a big fan of mental health. I have absolutely no problem admitting I need to consult a therapist and have done so repeatedly throughout my twenties and thirties whenever I felt it was necessary. I would go so far as to say, that I feel even mentally healthy people should talk to a non-biased mental or spiritual guide (therapist, minister, AA group) on a fairly regular basis. And if after therapy your doctor determines that some medication is needed then I'm all for that too.

So you can imagine how irritating I find it when people still think that getting psychological help is a sign of some sort of weakness. I think it's weak to drink your problems away or take out your unhealthy rage on your family members, or find some other unhealthy outlet to try and dump your illness into.

I find it curious that people would not hesitate to see a doctor if one of their other major organs was malfunctioning. Or see a specialist if they contracted some life threatening illness. And although it's commendable to start eating well and excersing, don't our minds deserve the same kind of looking after? If we wait until it becomes a new fad I'm afraid we'll continue down this destructive path the world has been on.

Why?

My hairdresser Sara has a four year old boy named Marshall. I've never met him but I know a lot about him. I love hearing stories about children through their parents' perspectives. They're usually funny tales laced with a bit of frustration.

But at my last appointment, the frustration was aimed somewhere else. Marshall goes to daycare one day a week, and spends the rest of the time his parents are working with his grandparents.

The daycare hasn't been too happy with Marshall lately and have made this very clear to Sara and her husband. Apparently Marshall likes to pretend he's a character from one of his Wii games named Timbok.

One morning after he was dropped off, when one of the educators said good morning, he replied:

"I'm not Marshall, I'm Timbok!"

The educator shook her head and said:

"No, while you're here, you are Marshall."

This upset Marshall and he argued it a bit. When he saw that she wasn't going to call him Timbok, he put his hand down his pants and comforted himself by holding his penis. The educator without hesitation got down to face level with the four year old and calmly but firmly said:

"We don't do that here Marshall, please take your hands out of your pants."

"Why?" he asked.

"We just don't."

Sara heard this story secondhand from her husband. He was the one whose turn it was to pick Marshall up from daycare. All this was reported to him by the educator without apology or even much affect. She wrapped up her account by asking him this question:

"Is there anything going on at home that we should know about?"

Sara's husband Jay being a man of very few words mumbled something like:

"Not that I can think of."

He then grabbed Marshall and his coat and drove home.

This daycare is a government funded operation - not a home daycare centre. I won't tell you the name of it but it's not much different than the question Marshall asked when he was told not to grab his penis.

Taking a stand

What other people think or believe is none of my business. It took me a long time to realize that just because a person's opinion on a hot topic differs than mine doesn't mean that I need to cut them out of my life. Usually though, the people in our lives share our sensibilities toward most things.

Something has been bugging me for the last few days. I've received two disturbing emails from someone fairly close to me. I was a part of a group send. I feel that the emails are racist in nature. I replied to the sender and told them that I wasn't interested in receiving these types of emails.

The thing that is bothering me is that a few years ago I would have had a stronger reaction. I might have written a strongly worded email or called this person to let them know exactly how much I opposed the messages or even just stopped speaking to them. I know that those types of reactions are pointless and even futile. But did I react enough? I don't feel at peace with something but I don't know what.