What other people think or believe is none of my business. It took me a long time to realize that just because a person's opinion on a hot topic differs than mine doesn't mean that I need to cut them out of my life. Usually though, the people in our lives share our sensibilities toward most things.
Something has been bugging me for the last few days. I've received two disturbing emails from someone fairly close to me. I was a part of a group send. I feel that the emails are racist in nature. I replied to the sender and told them that I wasn't interested in receiving these types of emails.
The thing that is bothering me is that a few years ago I would have had a stronger reaction. I might have written a strongly worded email or called this person to let them know exactly how much I opposed the messages or even just stopped speaking to them. I know that those types of reactions are pointless and even futile. But did I react enough? I don't feel at peace with something but I don't know what.
Kim, I think you handled the situation well. Let some time pass. Possibly you'll want to pursue this topic with your friend in the near future. Feel confident that you always stay true to what you believe in. I also don't react as strongly about things anymore. I still feel deeply about my position, but I am not as quick to jump into battle mode to argue a point.
ReplyDeleteI think you did the right thing. To launch into a strong argument is probably unecessary because people who send those types of things are usually just insensitive and obtuse, not necessarily making a pointedly racist comment.
ReplyDeleteFurther, if you abruptly stopped speaking to them they would always wonder why. (And remember, they're clueless to the fact the email was racist or could even be perceived that way.)
You probably did the most to change their behavior by firmly stating you didn't approve. (A skill that will come in handy when Deaglan is a teenager....)
You're probably feeling that pull to have told them exactly why you didn't want to be included on those types of emails.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar situation happen to me, where a friend of mine wrote me an email about why she was in favor of a proposition that I'd voted against. She knew how I voted because I'd mentioned it on my blog. I wrote her back, explaining my views on the issue (which I hadn't actually gone into in detail on my blog). Then, she wrote again with a longer and more intense version of the first email. I was tempted to get into it again, because I'm someone who speaks my mind, but I decided to bow out of the argument, for the sake of the friendship.
I think the email was the right choice too. I often find that reacting immediately often leads me to say things that I later regret. If I give myself time to think about it I usually able to express myself without anger after coolibg off or let it go and realize that it was something that I don't need to go any further with.
ReplyDeleteI'll agree with the other gals and tell you, you responded appropriately. There really is no reason to go into more detail than that, as it would probably just lead to some kind of (pointless) argument.
ReplyDeleteDepending on exactly WHO sent the email and exactly HOW offensive the content, I sometimes like to do a "reply all" and tell the sender exactly how inappropriate sending an email like that is.
Woops. I forgot to mention that I need your mailing address for your Pay It Forward surprise! Could you email me, please?
ReplyDeleteI think you did the right thing. Why put up with mess like that??
ReplyDeleteIMHO, it's just not worth it, having relationships with people with negative, divisive beliefs... I mean, you can't really change 'em so no harm in cutting them off from yr life...Just makes everything a bit easier...Just my 2 cents:)
ReplyDeleteHello there,Thanks for adding me to your blogs list :D and thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a nice comment...:D
ReplyDeleteI think you took care of the situation quite well.And to push people out of your life is not a good idea.There will always be people who may rub you the wrong way or say something that might hurt your sentiments.But you need to move on and try not to let it upset you.
love
chaitra
There is a reason for the saying 'the passion of youth' I have found that as I have aged black and white have merged to a gray - to become really passionate, extremes of anger and happiness no longer seem to affect me. I still find some things repugnant but there is no long a drive to convince others that my ideas / beliefs are the RIGHT ones.
ReplyDeleteI think you did enough by letting them know you weren't interested in receiving that kind of stuff. It's hard to know where to draw the line, but by making your opinion know, maybe they'll look at things in a different light.
ReplyDeleteoh, this is a difficult one. but it is good you told the emailer how you felt, and it will be interesting to see how she/he responds, if they do.
ReplyDeletei get a LOT of horrid emails from relatives. usually i just delete the emails, as i cannot delete my relatives from my life. sometimes i want to tell them how naive, paranoid and/or racist they are, but then again i know it will not change them and it will lead to conflict. it is tough to know what to do with these scenarios. oy.
Hey Kim, It sounds like what is bothering you, is that it really hit a nerve. You are a compassionate person and seemingly one who cares for others. I reflect all the time about what I could have done differently. The truth is that you have to be you. Be true to who you are. If it eats at you, work at it until you find peace. much love. ;)
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