The emotional life of this boy

I've been reading a book called Raising Cain: protecting the emotional life of boys by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson. It dawned on me after we were told that we'd be having another boy that I knew nothing about boys despite the fact that I grew up surrounded by four brothers, always had a father around and have been dating men since I was 15 - I've stopped dating them and settled on one in particular but you know all about that.

And as with anything worth knowing in life, I realize that nothing will beat my experiential knowledge still to come in the years ahead but I wanted to be prepared with some rudimentary insights into the psychology of boys.

Interesting stuff.

I've begun to realize that there are a lot of myths when it comes to how we all so easily dismiss certain traits as "Aww it's just men - that's how they are". Most interestingly to me is the theory that men are not unemotional by nature but more likely due to nurture. The authors - both experienced and well established psychologists give tons of evidence that supports the theory that what's missing in a lot of boys' upbringings is the tools to express themselves emotionally. I won't bore you with a book report but I've found this a valuable read.

Coincidentally, in the last few weeks on our drive home from work and daycare, I've noticed that when asked about his day at school, Deaglan often mentions one of his friends and their emotional being that day. Last week he said Emma cryin. I asked him why Emma was crying and he said Emma tired. Today on our drive he told me about Jeremy just out of the blue Jeremy sad When I asked why, he said Jeremy hungry.

I tried to get him to expand each time but really how much can a two year old elaborate? I realized though that it's important during these conversations to let him know that these states his friends have been in are okay and good and normal. I tell him that when someone is sad, it's nice to give them a hug. Usually after these touchy feely talks we go back to looking for garbage trucks or the signs of a train coming. It's about balance right?

The little people

Pregnant women are coming out of the woodwork around here. And we're all due this summer. Brace yourselves for a population surge.

Seriously.

And there is a lot of controversy. Should you find out the sex? Are you showing too early? Why aren't you showing yet? Will you keep your toddler in daycare or pull him out when the baby comes? Will you go with a trendy name, something pulled out of the history books, soaps or will you make him or her a namesake?

My baby, the one on the inside is making himself felt lately. I forgot, even though it was only just over two years ago, how odd yet wonderful it is to have a little person moving inside of you.

The little person on the outside is moving around a lot too. I find I have to outsmart him these days because I certainly can't catch him. He's developed quite a few habits that I find hard to hate. For instance when he is in the time-out chair, because he doesn't quite understand the concept that he needs to sit there for longer than two seconds, I must sit on the floor acting as a barrier between him and freedom, he often reaches out and strokes my hair and with the sweetest most sincere expression says: I'm sorry mommy. Even Supernanny would have a hard time resisiting that little face.

Well - we chose to find out the gender of our baby and we are going to go with a not so trendy name and we may keep the toddler in daycare part time and I definitely think I am showing way too much.

It's good to be growing a baby but I also yearn for a time when my belly will be flatter, my back not so achy and food will be a meal instead of the constant landscape of my daydreams.

I'm enjoying this trimester though - often referred to as the 'honeymoon' phase of pregnancy. I'm in no hurry to get to the end just yet.

Just for you

Sometimes when I look back at us I shake my head and laugh - remember the cross border beer runs at midnite??

Sometimes I feel sad for the tough times we had to endure.

Sometimes I can't believe how many times you've created lovely meals just for me or that you are just about the best karaoke singer I've ever heard.

Other times I marvel that we've come so far and have created this family that I've always wanted.

This was you that first year we lived together. I think you were 22.

I remember going all out for each other's birthdays...remember the watch I had the waiter wear and then sell to me for five bucks?

Or you wrapping my very first cell phone in the napkin at the restaurant and then going into the men's room and calling it as I just sat there wondering who the hell wasn't answering their phone?

We don't really do those things anymore and honestly I'm okay with that. I know that the best gifts - well I already have them. I hope you feel the same. Happy Birthday honey! You don't look 35.

Consciousness

Complaining about how tired I am these days doesn't have the same impact,even on me. It's nearly impossible to feel sorry for myself at the end of a workday because I have to make Deaglan dinner and then still do the bedtime routine. I 'm not even all that tempted to whine to somebody about how many times an hour I have to drag myself into the bathroom because the uterus has already started to put pressure on my bladder.

I've tried to stay conscious and remember what's going on in the world. I've been reminding myself regularly throughout the day that people are suffering, really, really suffering.

Why is it so easy for us to forget? Sometimes I wonder what it would really take for a person to change. You would think that having lived in one of the poorest countries in the world for the first seven years of a life, really knowing hunger, and having felt the shame of begging on the streets, that I wouldn't get too comfortable in this life - so easy and so abundant. But I do get comfortable and forget often.

I donated I reason with myself. What else can I do? That's the question that stumps me.

Since I gave birth to Deaglan I've wondered what I could offer his soul. I know that we take very good care of him. And culturally I can't give him much as far as my birth place. I was raised in a caucasian Canadian family. Lately the answer has been floating through me. I need to give him awareness. Consciousness. This place we live - this isn't the whole world. There is a great lack in a large part of the world. Maybe if I teach him to be aware, maybe something will change.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Haiti. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm sorry you are suffering so much.

A pregnant woman's bliss

The very talented writer Elizabeth Bradley honoured me with the Happy 101 award. It requires that I list ten things that make me blissfully happy. Since I am mid pregnancy I will share with you the things that make me happy these days.

1. Sleep - oh if sleep was sold in a jar I would take my life savings and buy every last bit that I could afford.

2. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, nibblies, bites...I guess food in general.

3. Energy to get things done. When I get an adequate amount of sleep I almost feel like my old self and am able to cross off of tasks from my to-do list.

4. Jodi Picoult novels - this is a new joy I've discovered. My close friend Lesa loves Picoult's novels and told me about them.

5. Baby kicks - recently I've started feeling movements from the baby inside. It is the BEST part of pregnancy. Related to this is hearing the baby's heartbeat at my monthly midwife appointments.

6. Deaglan and Shaune - they are my love, my home, my life.

7. A clean house.

8. The smell of Gain detergent.

9. Picking Deaglan up from daycare. It's the best part of my day seeing his snotty little face again.

10. Moments I stop and realize I will soon be mother of two.

I would like to tag some of the wonderful people I read daily:

Kelly at My voice, my view

Jenn at T Rex Mom and Dad tales

Ginger at Flowers and More

Christy at A Lil Welsh Rarebit

Gerri at Peace and Love

Vicki at Vicki Unplugged

Jenn at Monkeyland

Secret Agent Woman at Blogging Incognito

Wendy at Adventures of Nurse Wendy

Kat at My Girls and Me

If you have a note on your blog that you don't want to receive awards please forgive me and feel free to ignore me.

New Sun

Did you ever stop and look at your life and wonder how you got so damned lucky? Today I thought a lot about the overwhelming sadness going on in Haiti. I also went to the hospital and saw this perfect tiny foot of the little boy growing in my tummy.

the foot in the sand is Deaglan's this summer at the beach.

Progress report

My pregnancy's progressing pretty well. I'm almost 19 weeks and the nausea is gone (halleluja!).

Life is pretty normal except that every week I find myself scrounging for something different to wear to work. My maternity clothes from the last pregnancy have lost their appeal - most of them seem dingy and out of date and since I already feel that way, I don't need my outfits advertising it.

As I mentally prepare for the arrival of the new person, I waiver between a calm excitement and outright panic. On the one hand I think of how amazing it will be to be a family of four and have a tiny baby to snuggle again. However there is also the fearful part of me who wonders how I will be able to take care of two without letting one suffer. I know it's been done before and I know it's possible but still the fear of the unknown is not lost on me.

I was going to wait to potty train Deaglan until the last half of my maternity leave - we're so fortunate in Canada to get a full year off - but lately he's exhibiting signs that he might be ready now. Whereas he was having a BM every day, a few weeks ago this changed to every 3-4 days. In between he is at times doubled over in pain from gas. His diet hasn't changed - he's no champion vegetable eater but I manage to get some good grains and fruit into him daily and tons of water. He's showing other signs too, so this week we bought some underwear and have begun the training. Lots of fun as you may remember if you have kids.

This second pregnancy is so different for me than the first. The last one seemed magical with each new phase unfolding as I read about the wonders going on in my body each day. This time I feel an overwhelming need to make sure Deaglan is getting all of me as often as I can give it. I've read too that husbands are less interested in the technical aspects of the second pregnancy and that's certainly true for us. Although Shaune is concerned about my well being I can tell it's not as magical for him this time around either. Both of us are thinking about that first little while when you have no idea how to comfort the new baby, aren't getting any sleep and aren't sure if this is what you thought it would be.

I've had some great advice from friends with more than one child though and would welcome any tips from you veterans out there!