Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Playing hooky

When we walked into his room a few days ago to wake him from his late afternoon nap, we found him like this. Get the camera! I whispered to Shaune. To a parent, there is no sight more lovely. Sweet. Innocent. And a yearning for time to stand still just for a little while. To capture that moment and hold it forever.

Because along with all the joy of parenthood also come the fears. Something happens the second after a pregnancy is confirmed. Endless worrying. What ifs, and worst case scenarios begin to take over your mind.

Each trimester comes with it a list of benchmarks to reach and also the possibility of it all going wrong. You count down the weeks exhaling slowly each time the midwife tells you things are going well. By the end, you begin to affirm that everything will be okay once you see the baby, once he's out of your womb, safe into the world.

But no one prepares you for the truth. That once out into this world, your worrying has really just begun.

I try to do my best by him and not let fear and worry rule. I let him fall and make mistakes. I don't run to his rescue everytime. I understand the need to let him learn, watch him continue to harrass the cat after several warnings that if he keeps it up the poor cat will be forced to retaliate. I let him eat things he dropped on the floor, let him cry it out so he could learn to fall asleep on his own, take something away because it could harm him even though it is keeping him busy and out of my hair.

But despite my efforts to think positively and expect the best, a worry that began when I first learned I was pregnant has reared its ugly head. I had discussed it with our doctor then. She stood firmly on the side of most medical professionals. I read about it. I spoke to other parents in my community. And in the end we saw that the benefits of immunization far outweigh the possible risks.

Today I am taking Deaglan in for his 18 month shots. I was up all night worrying. What if? This is the one the talk is all about. This is the one some people have felt is correlated with some brain development disorders . I woke up early and went to the reputable sites. I read again what I had read before. No proven correlation. I feel so small in a big world. So ignorant. Powerless. Because even though I am taking him in, a nagging is still there. I tell myself that this is just the worrying of a parent.


  1. We had the same nagging fears over 20 years ago when we took our oldest in, who is now 24. I didn't want to take him in for the shots! I was ready to homeschool him so he didn't have to have the shots for public school. But, we did it. I have read about the connections, too, so gave in with great fear, but the Lord blessed us, as we will pray for you and your kids. wb

  2. I worry way too much! I'll be more a wreck the night before school than my kids! I understand your concerns about shots. I hate when they have to get them. Jillian goes for her big 4 year old shot appointment. I know that she is going to be super upset and cry through the whole thing. I hope I don't cry too :) I love this photo of sweet innocent Deaglan. Save this one for sure. Take a sleeping photo of him when he's 15. It should be interesting to compare the photos :) Good luck at the appointment. Hugs :)

  3. You're right - it is just the worrying of a parent! And it's totally normal and natural. It's the hardest thing, letting them get hurt and not being there to protect them all the time - but it's the best thing for them, in the end!

    Love that photo...but I must ask - you WAKE a sleeping child? I've only done that a handle of times...I try to let her wake her on her own all the time!

  4. First, love the picture. So precious!

    Second, worrying is normal/natural, etc. I would worry if you DIDN'T worry. That being said, I truly believe in getting kids their shots. I think the slight risks are so 1 in a billion, compared to the real threat of life threatening illness.

  5. I have the same fears! I too am concerned about those immunizations but i still immunize them. i did talk to the doctor too and decided the benefits do outweigh the risks. i have a friend who does not immunize.....sometimes i think she is the strong one...and someimes i dont.

  6. Great post - I can just feel your love and concern for your charming son through your words.

    Parenthood involves a lot of worrying. Comes with the territory.

    I am a nurse. And I live in a state that has the worst immunization record in the US. I am a firm believer in immunizations - it really is true that the benefits far outweigh the risks. I've seen kids get preventable diseases and even seen them die from those diseases. It is horribly sad.

    I guess I think about it like I did with SIDS. I think the stats are 1.4 deaths per 1000 live births. I was so fixated on the 1.4 that my husband had to remind me about the other 998.6. The odds of our little son getting SIDS was so small.

    Just something to consider - he is far more likely to be healthy as a result of the vaccines than not. And it keeps other kids healthy too!

    Be well and good luck!

  7. Kim-the ol damned if you do, damned if you don't riddle. Pick your poison. nice pic. ~rick

  8. Its best to get it done. The advantages outweigh the dis advantages. And of course its for the best. Good luck with the appointment!:)

    And the photo is really cute, :)

    ♥ Chaitra

  9. Yes, I think you, Kelly, and I share emotional cells or something. I posted today about parenting and she did as well. It is a struggle. I think it is because we love these guys SO much. You rock. Keep caring, loving, and doing the best you can. peace sister

  10. First of all - that picture is precious! I'm glad y'all were able to capture that on film. Too cute :)

    Second - I wanted to thank you for your comment on my latest post. You are very right - I need to deal with the emotions as they come. It just feels so overwhelming sometimes. But I know putting it off is no way to handle the situation. Eventually I'm going to have to just cry it out. So, be looking for a "deal with it" post soon... It would probably be good to get my thoughts out there.

    Thanks for being such a sweet, caring person Kim. :)

  11. oh dear. i must confess that i have only heard/read a tiny bit about this controversy. i know that my friends with kids went through the same struggle, ended up getting their kids immunized, and so far so good!

    i hope everything will be all fine!

    and i cannot imagine the amount of daily worrying that goes along with having children. that is a full-time job in and of itself!

    and the story you posted on my blog?!?!? HORROR FACTOR ELEVEN!!! i am glad you were able to get rid of that man and that you were unharmed. but i would have bawled my head off after that episode! too scary! sheesh. horrors.

  12. Hey hun - me again :)

    Can't find your email address, so please email me again so I'll have it. You have been FANTASTIC with the support lately.

  13. what a PRECIOUS picture. Treasure that age! thanks for sharing, and don't be a worry wart. ;)


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