Monday, 28 March 2011

Mostly Modern Family

If you were a fly on our wall, you'd see that Shaune and I have a fairly contemporary marriage. No traditional roles assigned to the usual suspects around here. We use a strengths-based model.  He cooks, I clean. He shovels the driveway, I change poopy diapers. He rough-houses and wrestles with the kids. I yell at them to cut it the hell out! He teaches them stuff that'll get a laugh. I roll my eyes.

Seriously though, we have a pretty good thing going on. Shaune helps diaper, feed and bathe the boys, cooks most of our meals and is generally the epitome of a modern-day dad and husband. I appreciate it but also think it's the way it should be.

Pioneers though we may be (you're welcome future daughter-in-laws!), a few aspects  of our relationship would send us straight back to the I Love Lucy days.

Three words.
Vehicles. Computers. Cameras.

When it comes to dealings in these domains, my husband has absolutely no faith in me. And I'm not even really sure why; I think I'm a pretty good driver, adept on the computer, take good pictures and video. But bless his heart, he can't help but give me a mini driving lesson if there is a patch of black ice within a five mile radius, seems unable to stop himself from cautioning  me that the laptop's CPU is directly beneath the keyboard -I might want to take it easy when typing and can be found mumbling under his breath if the camera case is accidentally left open.

So you will understand when I tell you that I was sick to my stomach when I scraped the side of the Odyssey on a yellow poll trying to manoeuvre it through the Lilliputian-sized gateway to the underground parking lot of a downtown hotel two weeks ago.  (Although I'm on maternity leave until June, I had to attend an orientation to learn of some structural changes at work.) And I wasn't sick because I was worried about the van, the damage was minor; I just knew that my husband's philosophy of my abilities in areas of electrical equipment and large machinery would be confirmed.

So instead of enjoying a few minutes with my colleagues before the meetings commenced, I paced the lobby of the hotel and rehearsed how I would break it to Shaune that I had hit the poll. Then, deciding I couldn't live with the kind of anxiety required to wait until I was finished at work, I called him.

"I have to tell you something"
"I scraped the car on the yellow poll going into the parking lot at the Hilton."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No, but thanks for asking me if I'm alright"
"Well you woulda told me if you weren't. How bad is it?"
"There's yellow paint over the back driver-side wheel well. Some scraping too."
"F***. Really?"
"Really. I wanted to tell you but I gotta go to my meeting."

Twenty minutes into my meeting I get this text:
"How deep is the scrape?"

My reply:
Mostly paint. Shallow.

How long?

Is he kidding me right now? This is the first time in over a year I'm in heels and a suit, it's snowing out and he wanted me to measure the scrape??
Didn't measure-in meeting

An hour later I'm still in meetings and get this text:
Deep enough you can see metal?
Don't think so.

And even after all this, me thinking I was breaking his fall by warning him ahead of time, he still shook his head and took several moments of silence when he saw the scrape.

I guess I should just thank my lucky stars that he kept quiet and didn't exclaim Lucy! You got some splainin to do!


  1. I've so been there. I scraped up my car on one of those poles at the gas station. It was low and I just didn't see it.

  2. Ouch! At least there was no major damage. I think I would have tried to hide it and make him think he did it, but I guess I am more Lucy than Ethel. lol

  3. Oh, bless your heart! I don't know what it is with guys... but they definitely think they are superior drivers and masters of all things electronics. Hope the scratch is an easy repair :)

  4. Well I am glad you are ok...but I have to say that your hubby is SO much nicer than mine. My husband would have lost his mind, spilled his marbles, gone crazy...however you wanna look at it, I'd be 3 breaths short of death.

  5. hilarious! my hubby would be the same way..."women! dont know how to drive!" I did the same thing to my honda odyssey. I scraped in on the garage at work. and that is exactly what ervin said!

  6. LOL My husband just shakes his head at me when I do things like this!

  7. We are the same way and those are our three. I cook though and he cleans. With all the snow we had a while back I misjudged how much space I had and knocked the passenger mirror off. It was pretty much the same story you just told and he is such a backseat driver. I try to avoid driving with him in the car whenever possible.

  8. Remind me to tell you about how I knocked off the side mirror trying to park in the garage. I can still hear Grant going on and on about how I have to be more careful. What saves me is that he put a big dent in it once too. I pull that info out of my arsenal once in a while when I need it.

    You LOOK GREAT in that last photo. Green is a beautiful color for you. You and Shaune make a gorgeous couple. Wishing you both all the best. Hug those cute boys too. I'll call you soon.

    One more thing. You won over at WWP. I'm a little late in posting the winners, but here's the link anyway

    Take care and keep smiling :)

  9. I think all those texts were probably a good thing to sorta ease him into the actual moment of seeing it!

  10. This made me laugh out loud – and smile through the rest of the post, “He rough-houses and wrestles with the kids. I yell at them to cut it the hell out! He teaches them stuff that'll get a laugh. I roll my eyes.” And the texting – oh my gosh – still laughing. Awesome. Sorry though – it’s sad – but it’s funny!!

    God Bless and keep you and yours Kim

  11. Men.
    I broke the tip off of a drill bit. You'd think I'd broken the holy grail or something. My husband does make a mean pan of lasagna though.
    I'm glad to be back and catching up with all my friends here in blogland!

  12. Mu husband is the same way! I have dinged the car a few times, but he's had several car accidents and speeding why is my driving called into question?

  13. I had a very modern marriage, too, and I'm actually the computer person. But I was definitely the one more likely to scrape the car, and once backed the car right into my husband's truck. Which lead to my son, at four, telling the teacher in children's chapel how his dad got upset and said, "Oh, fuck!"

  14. I might just head for the hills if I ever do that to our car (again). I had a bad interaction with the yellow parking garage pole once. My husband was just my boyfriend back then. He helped me buff it out so my father wouldn't kill me. Now that he's the car authority there's no one to protect me!

  15. In all Southern Sincerity, let me officially say, "BLESS YOUR HEART!"

  16. Well, at least it makes for good blog fodder, right? What a wonderful photo of the two of you together at the end.

    And there are lots of family types. Whatever works I say.

  17. Alright Alright. You enjoy your man.

    While I drink vodka and watch Disney fairy tales.

  18. Thanks for sharing this Kim. Our guys act like we TRIED to tear up the car by hitting deer, driving into parking structures or driving into ditches...
    I'm glad you are ok and it's just a scratch. I'm glad you have such a healthy marriage. I consider ourselves quite blessed for having such wonderful guys...but they will always flip-out over the car. They just will...:)


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