Thursday 9 June 2011

Back to work reality

This is my non-fiction post for the prompt we'd like you to write a scene that includes a happy ending. So far being back to work has been exhausting and emotional. I know that once we all adjust, we'll likely experience more happy times. I didn't include a happy ending because, well, so far it's been exhausting and emotional...



“How’s he been?” I whispered to Miss Kylie.

“You know what? For his first day, he did great. Like we told you on the phone, when you called again this afternoon, he had lots of moments of realization of where he was, then started crying. But that’s to be expected.”

“Mmhmm. What about food? Did he eat?”

I fired off one question after another, wanting to hear that something went right. It was Wednesday, the third day in my first week of being back to work. Nothing was going as I’d hoped.

“He ate some bread, a little yogurt, a few grapes. But you probably went through this when you went back after Deaglan right? It’ll just take a few days for him to adjust. And, for you to adjust.” She tilted her head, looking at me with sympathy. I blinked back my tears. I walked out to the deck where Miss Sandy and Miss Debbie were watching three of the babies play in the sun on the enclosed space.

“Naveen, look who it is! Is that Mummy?” Miss Sandy chirped. She was Deaglan’s favourite when he was in the Baby Room two and a half years ago. I picked up my tiny boy, who collapsed into my arms, crying and grabbing my face. Where have you been? he demanded with his miniature fists.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, my sweetheart,” I whispered into the warmth of his sweet soft neck.

On Monday morning he woke up with a fever, watery eyes and clogged sinuses. Shaune took a sick day from work so I wouldn’t have to miss my first day back. On Tuesday, Gramma and Grampa drove the hour to London to watch him so I wouldn’t have to miss my second day. Wednesday was his first full day at Daycare.

And each morning, Deaglan had to be peeled off of me, wailing, “Mama, don’t go, mama don’t go.” I pressed my palm against his cheek, reminding him of the Kissing Hand, the story about Chester Raccoon who didn’t want to go to school either. Chester’s mother tells him about the kissing hand, a kiss on his palm from his mother he could access anytime he felt lonely. I promised that I would come back at the end of the day, pick him up and we’d sit on the front step at home and eat fudgesicles.

This morning I got into the van after dropping the boys off and drove the three minutes to my parking space, wondering how I would ever get used to being away from them for eight hours each day. I thought long and hard about those mothers in primitive cultures who kept their babies on their bodies in packs for the first year, nursed them right into and through toddlerhood. A pain shot through me, remembering Naveen’s incredulous crying when he realized that I was leaving him there that first morning.

And as I stepped out of the van into the small puddle I’d parked beside, the buckle on my black sandal broke off and fell into the muddy water. I fished around, found it and climbed back into the vehicle to slip into the heels I was saving for the soft carpet of my workspace. When I stepped back outside, I lost my balance for a second and dropped my envelope full of snapshots of the kids into the same puddle.

I don’t know what I was expecting this first week back to work.

22 comments:

  1. I've been thinking of you, wondering how you were making out this week. As hard as it is, remember that it will get easier...for all of you! The boys will benefit from the social aspect of daycare and you will all cherish your time together at the end of the day and on weekends. Stay strong...you'll get through it. xoxo

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  2. Oh My Friend.... I know this week has been so hard for you and your babies. you just have to hold on the the fact that it will smooth out, it will start to feel routine, that everyone (including you!) will adjust. My thoughts are with you all. {{{{GIANT HUGS}}}}

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  3. Just let me say its ok you did'nt have a happy endng this time. Life just doesn't work that way does it? But realize your happy ending is coming one day soon and you'll be thankful it finally arrived. God bless you and you get your life on track once again.

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  4. It's so hard. I remember the emotional rollercoaster of going back to work full time. It does get easier, but it's not very fun along the way. Hang in there!

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  5. Hi, I'm a new reader and new to all this red dress writing stuff, but firstly I just want to say that even though I can't relate personally to what your week was like, I could "feel" it through your writing. And I enjoyed reading it.

    And this just may be me trying to make lemonade out of lemons but I'm sitting her at home on my own on a Friday night and I would love your kind of happy ending. Your boys are your happy beginning, middle and end in your story.

    I hope you enjoy your weekend :)

    Vikki

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  6. You've been on my mind lady. The bright side is that you all made it through the week and it tomorrow is the weekend.
    I hope you have a bottle of wine saved up for this evening...you earned it mama!

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  7. Oh my heart goes out to you..it's so tough to let go. Once the first week is done it will be easier!!! I've been back now for 4 weeks after a 6 month hiatus and I've finally got back into the swing of work/home balance...at least I think I have...the first week the boys begged Dennis to let me stay home as I was cranky and miserable...not so much this week..although I am so glad it's Friday!! Just think of the wonderful weekend you are about to have with them!!!

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  8. Oh Kim, this post makes my heart sad for you. I'm so sorry it's been rough. Truly. I hope things get better and soon.

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  9. How difficult this must be! I'm not a mother yet, but you made me feel all of the emotions you must feel. The sadness and longing...overwhelming and emotional indeed. I hope things get a little easier soon.

    Stopping by from RDC.

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  10. Hugs Kim. And more and more hugs. My heart goes out to you too, dear one. It will get easier-it just takes a little time:)

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  11. It's just not fair. Maternity leave should be longer. And paid. That's the happy ending I'm looking for.
    This was great and I appreciate the rollercoaster you're on.
    Also, thanks for you comment at Quasi Agitato.

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  12. My heart is breaking for you. I can not imagine walking those steps. I am sorry you have to. You have a happy ending every day, when you get them back in your arms. God bless!

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  13. In moments like these it's always hard to know who it's hardest on, you or them. Hang in there. You are a great mother and have amazing wonderful kids. It'll get easier and some day it might even be better.

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  14. I've been there Kim. I know exactly what you are feeling and how you are struggling with guilt and going back to work. Just remember one thing: Your kids will not remember any of this. I promise. And as much as it pains you to see it you too will soon forget how hard these first few weeks are.

    I'm thinking of you and relating to you. Take care of yourself my friend!

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  15. Oh Honey, I am sorry it's been rough. It will get better. Remember a year ago how you were not getting sleep. You survived that. This will get better too. Time does that.

    Hugs to you, dear friend.

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  16. Oh this is indeed tough. And does not even look fair on anyone. I hope things get alright. My wishes are with you Kim. xo

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  17. Sending hugs and love your way. It is an adjustment but it will get easier...I promise. I find that my time away just makes me cheerish the time the girls and I do have together and enjoy every minute.

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  18. Oh, Honey...bless you. I have been thinking about you. I know now to pray for better transitions for all of you. Great writing, I felt I was right there with you as you were describing the day...much love my friend.

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  19. Hoo boy, that is never an easy adjustment.

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  20. My heart breaks at the image of him crying for you not to go. It can't be easy.

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  21. It is so hard! SO sorry :(

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  22. Such tough moments for your tender heart. That is so difficult for you. Sending you love and hugs.

    Another well written piece straight from the heart. You are a natural writer. I admire your writing very much.

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