Today

Today was a pretty good day.

Deaglan woke up at 5:20 am and wouldn't snooze a little longer after I brought him into our bed. So we started the day even though I could have slept for several more hours. But then Shaune came down at 7 and told me to go back to bed which I happily did until just after 9.

At Tim Horton's I stayed peaceful even though I sat in the drive thru line for almost 15 minutes. I thought about speaking up and asking what the hold up was but when I got to the window, I saw the young woman's face and realized she must have had a good reason.

We enjoyed coffee outside in the warmish morning sunshine while Deaglan was on the swing chattering away, watching the cars pass by.

At the store, we found the exact piece of art we had been imagining for the kitchen and were able to negotiate a lower price. We got home, and after Shaune sized, measured and hung the piece, we realized that it would look better in the living room. It took a few hours of me prodding him for him to agree to switch the prints (it required a lot of measuring, drilling and trying to hide the drill marks previously made) in the living room with this new piece in the kitchen. Now all is right.

Yesterday I found an old treasure chest for $8.00 at a garage sale. I'd been looking for something to use as a toybox for Deaglan's new room. Today we scraped away the old lining of the wooden chest, washed it down and painted it a light blue. It was fun. The sun's temperature was just right and there was the most comforting breeze all afternoon. Shaune let Deaglan play in the hose. He loved it. He kept squealing. Just because he was happy.

I put Deaglan to bed in his new room. So far it's been an easy transition. I'm now sitting with the laptop on my lap of all places, a glass of shiraz on the sidetable to my left with the smell of a Thai pasta on its way. Shaune's cooking and photographing. He's built a camera box so that he can take good pictures at night, of the food he cooks for his blog.

I don't think life could get any better. It's been a pretty good day.

Today

I couldn’t shake my bad mood today. I could blame it on the person at work who insisted on getting under my skin. I could claim that until that first encounter with her I was feeling alright. But that’s not completely true.

I woke up dreading the day ahead. No real reason. Just didn’t want to face it, would rather have stayed under the covers or at least under my own roof.

I drove toward the daycare without enjoying the ride. Instead I imagined different encounters I would have later that morning or afternoon. Imaginary conversations preoccupied me – angry conversations I couldn’t fight.

At the daycare, I noticed that Deaglan’s jacket was in another child’s cubby. I grabbed it and brought it to the toddler room where I put Deaglan down and asked with a slight hint of accusation – if it was possible that Deaglan’s jacket could be in Roger’s cubby. The young educator looked up a little surprised to hear this in my voice – usually I am pleasant and light. Yes, she laughed nervously, we couldn’t remember who the jacket belonged to and took a guess. Ashamed, I caught myself and apologized for not having labelled it and asked if I could borrow a sharpie to do it now. Bidding her a good day I walked to the car berating myself for letting my hateful disposition guide my actions.

Even coffee failed me. Several incidents left me feeling either angry or misunderstood. Anger rose so easily. I felt small and invisible. Underappreciated and oh so irritated with all of it.

Some days if I’ve had enough sleep, and feel good in my clothes, and am indifferent about how much I weigh, and know Deaglan is healthy and safe and Shaune is having a good day at work and the sun is shining but it’s not too hot - on these days I can shake off a negligent comment or refrain from wanting to cry because my efforts were overlooked.

But not today. Today I could not change my mind. Today I was not grateful. I could not see the silver lining or be convinced that the glass was half full. Today, I did not want to get along. I did not want to avoid gossip. I did not feel generous or charitable. Today I could not convince myself that she deserved my sympathy. I could not imagine her as an innocent young child. Today I am glad that I found enough professionalism to keep quiet. Because today was not a good day.